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A whole year of housecleaning would be great for my mental health and my marriage. I might even go so far as to say it would be life changing. For the past several days I’ve been cleaning and straightening, cleaning and straightening. And I’m over it.
Cleaning is a catch-22 for me because I’m anal and I LOVE a nice clean house, but I don’t like to clean. When the house is clean I can relax. Clutter makes me jittery, anxious and distracted. Even if I’m reading or watching TV, if the house isn’t clean I’m not completely relaxed because my sitting down is time I’m not spending cleaning. And then I feel guilty so I straighten. Then I get angry because cleaning is kind of a time waster.
When I think of all the hours I’ve spent scrubbing, dusting, wiping, sweeping and vacuuming I get sad for the time I’ve lost. Those are hours I’ll never get back and I could have enjoyed them so much more! I could have relaxed with my family. I could have read all the books in my ‘to be read’ pile (which, at last count, has ??? titles). I could have watched more academy award nominees. I could have started my scrapbook (well, maybe not that). Point being I’ve spent hours maybe even days or weeks! doing something that makes me feel anxious, jittery, distracted, guilty, sad and angry.
Tonight I asked my husband if he would make a video explaining why he thought I deserved to win a year of housekeeping services from BidMyCleaning.com. I thought it would be nice to turn the blog over to him for a change.
His response? “Sure, just tell me what to say.”
I tried again. “Just talk about what you think winning would mean to me.”
“My brain doesn’t work that way. I need a script. Have Drama Kid do it.”
Oh, hell, forget it. I’ll do it myself.
That anecdote perfectly sums up why I need this. Because it seems that most days, if something needs cleaning I do it myself. That’s not to say my two boys aren’t helpful. They are. But if someone were to ask all the members of my household “who here has ever scrubbed the toilets?” I feel confident I’d be the only one raising my hand. Cleaning just isn’t that important to them. But it is to me so I take on the bulk of it. And back comes the anger and sadness but this time there’s a little bitterness and bitchy mixed in.
So let’s recap: angry, sad, jittery, anxious, distracted, guilty, bitchy and bitter. That’s one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I love roller coasters but this one has me tired and I’m ready to get off. I’ll still clean because hi, nice to meet you, I’m anal. But knowing that once a month someone will be coming to help me would take such a weight off. I could legitimately relax. And a relaxed mommy is a happy mommy. A relaxed wife is more likely to put out (Shut up. You know it’s true).
I need this. My family needs this. Free me from housecleaning. Please.
You can enter too. Rules and info here. (photo from here)
When you squeeze a pimple and it explodes, have you ever wondered how fast the white stuff is traveling when it hits the mirror or is it just me?
I've made some really good friends through blogging, both online and live and in color. Saturday night I went out for dinner and coffee with Deb from SanDiegoMomma. It was a lovely evening. We talked for hours about almost everything. We're alot alike. And apparently so are our husbands. It's almost eerie. Deb is my bloggy twin. She's my sister from another Mister.
And I may never have met her if I hadn't started blogging. The same goes for my other blog friends. If I hadn't decided to give blogging a try I would never have saved Jamie's son from a bee. I wouldn't have commiserated with Jenn about our lack of angst, watched my son be fearless in Cheri's pool, defended Kate from a nasty commenter or developed a bit of a crush on Aaryn. 
I also wouldn't have met the wonderful ladies I refer to as the Disney Crew, or Maria Bailey who I look up to and respect. These relationships are so important to me. With my friends, I'm not just Drama Kid's mom, Or Drama Dad's wife. I'm Mel. And I can let my hair or my guard down depending on the situation. With them I can be myself. And that is the sign of a true friend.
Blogging has given me more than just great friends. I've also regained my sense of self. I think our society places a huge emphasis on jobs and career. When introduced to someone, I'll bet that "so, what do you do?" is one of the first questions asked in conversation. Back when I was a "working" mom, I could answer that I was in marketing. Before that I was in radio admin, before that it was retail management and before that I was a student. In between some of these stages I also added wife and mother to my titles.
But then I lost my job and I was at a loss as to how to answer that question. I could be honest and say I "do" laundry, grocery shopping, wiping pee off the floors, scooping cat poop and any of the other things on my To Do list that had started to define me. But, I decided to apply the KISS method and reply that I was a stay at home mom.
I can't speak for other moms but for me, "what do you do?" started to feel like a really loaded question. Depending on who was doing the asking, once I answered that I was an at home mom, I started to notice that some people would check out of the conversation right then and there. I could see that moment where suddenly I didn't matter quite as much as I did in the few seconds before I gave my answer when there was still hope that I'd have a conversation worthy career.
And it got worse when the other person asked if you "used to" work and if you went to college. It's as though I've thrown away all my potential just so I can take my kid to practice.There is nothing more humiliating, degrading and demoralizing than to have another person write you off because you stay home with your family.
This blog changed all that. Since I started adding Mom Blogger to my title, people don't disconnect as much anymore. People want to know what I write about and how I like it. They're interested in me. I know I shouldn't need the external validation. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. But I do and it does. I'm more than "just" a mom and this blog has been a way for me to show it. I started this blog as a way to connect with other people, get my thoughts out and use the creative side of my brain that was bored to tears by the endless lists and tasks that the other half was always making. But it has morphed into something much bigger.
It feels strange to say that I’m grateful I lost my job but I am. I really feel that this was the path I was meant to take when I walked out of the office for the last time. Who knows what else is in store for me or what other roles this blog will play. I know it will keep getting better and better and I’m so excited for the journey ahead. 
This is my submission to the Mabel's Labels BlogHer 2009 sponsorship. Thank you for your generosity! Good luck to all the participants.
Rules, sponsorship details and how to enter found here.
**ETA: I'm a finalist! I'm having a contest to say thank you for supporting me and my blog. Read the details here.
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