Sunscreen. Check. Towel, sunglasses and hat. Check. Water, snacks, and book. Check, check. I need to take a lot of stuff with me because I'm going to be at The Pity Pool for awhile and it's good to be prepared.

Being on holiday has been really great. I've spent more time with my family, re-connected a little with DH, and am managing the house so much better than I ever have before. Most days I wake up feelin' pretty good.

Today was not one of those days.

I'm coming up on the end of my unemployment and have no real job prospects and I see panic on the horizon. I try to stay in the moment and focus on today. I really do. For instance:

Today I have a roof over my head (bonus points because we own it).

Today there is food in the fridge.

Today I have gas in my car.

Today we are happy and healthy.

I know that should be enough. In my heart I know it, and I believe it. But, every so often I can't help but think about tomorrow:

Tomorrow my car will still need to go to the shop.

Tomorrow I will still need about $8,000 worth of dental work (not a typo).

Tomorrow my CAT will still need about $900 worth of dental work (that's not either).

I have already eaten humble pie and applied to places I never saw myself working and let me tell you that was hard. At this point I need to eat a little more and consider going back to retail.

I can feel you sending me "who does she think she is?!" vibes. Untwist your knickers and let me explain. I'm almost 35 years old. I've been working since I was 15. Having to walk into a place behind Kaylee the Junior who just needs a summer job knowing I'd be the same age as somebody's mom feels pretty sh*#ty. I'm not saying I'm above retail or admin, but I have this been there, done that feeling that I can't shake.

Plus, any job in that industry will want me on weekends. I took corporate, office jobs precisely so I could have my weekends and holidays without having to request them off before anyone else.

AND, if I don't get my ideal schedule, once DS gets out of school, I'll have to pay full-day camp fees so I can work my Noon-6:00 shift. I don't know what minimum wage is these days but I highly doubt it's enough to cover camp and leave me with enough to feel like I'm actually contributing to our financial situation.

AND not having a corporate type gig puts me far behind in the retirement savings and the "extra" healthcare I'd have.

And forget about having another baby! (I know I said I'd talk about this but I'm still not ready yet, sorry).

Does all that make sense? I should be going forward in my career, not looking for another job.

I was so bummed about it I actually composed a letter to all the people who haven't hired me. What's that? You want to read it? Good thing I didn't run it through the shredder yet (Yep, it's handwritten. When I put pen to paper it's serious).


An Open Letter to Hiring Managers

Hello. My name is One La Costa Mom. I'm a 34 year-old wife and mother living in North County. I've been looking for a new job since November 2007 after I was part of a round of layoffs. I realize the current state of our economy has led to a tougher than usual job market, but quite frankly, my continued unemployment is baffling.

I've been working since I was 15. My experience in retail, sales, customer service, admin, media, restaurants and my most recent in Marketing for an award winning company makes me more than qualified to do the job posted on AnySite.com.

I'm also fluent in JobSpeak. You are looking for a multitasker. I know that means I'd often have to pick up someone else's slack. And I'm OK with that. You want a team player. I get it. Any ideas I share with you are yours to present to upper management. Fast paced work environment you say? I thrive under unrealistic deadlines.

I am a great candidate. Sure, you can hire the recent grad and offer an even lower salary because of lack of experience, but you get what you pay for. The fact that I'm a mom is my greatest asset. Yes, I will need to leave if my child gets sick. I won't be able to stay late on T Ball days. But, you'll never have to write me up for repeatedly checking my My Space page on company time. My vacations and sick days won't just happen to coincide with every event in the Gaslamp, Spring Break or fight with my boyfriend.

By not hiring me, or any at home mom looking to re-enter the workplace, you're overlooking one of the most highly skilled, competent, talented and creative groups in labor force. Go to almost any popular Mom Blog and you'll see what I mean.

If you will treat me well and help me provide for my family, my loyalty and over-the-top work ethic are yours. Offer me flextime or telecommuting and you'll never have to fill this position again.

Sincerely,
One La Costa Mom

In the Interest of Fairness

I thought it only fair, given what I said previously about discipline, that I post one of my own less than perfect Mommy moments. This happened a few weeks ago. I posted this story on another site during the Carnival (I wish I could remember which one!). Entrants were asked to post their best/worst Super or Slacker Mommy story and I chose Slacker. Enjoy.

I took DS to the bookstore and used a gift card given to my DH to buy him 5 new chapter books. He was literally jumping off the furniture and I had to tear him away from the train table to look at titles with me.

Then we went to the shoe store where I had to practically sit on him to keep him from running up and down the aisles, trying on the high heels and rolling on the floor.

After, we pull into the driveway and I ask him to go straight inside and start getting ready for bed since it was past bedtime. Immediate whining ensues about not having watched any TV, and wanting more to eat for dinner (mind you we've been gone for almost 2 hours and it's almost 9 o'clock).

I get mad, tell him he's being a brat after all the stuff I just bought him and so much for being able to stay out late like a big kid because I won't let him do it again if this is how he's going to act (we've been working on Attitude of Gratitude).

Cross go the arms, out go the lips, in comes the attitude and he says he's not going inside and he's not going to bed. EVER. Humph. So, I say goodnight, get out of the car, set the alarm and go inside the house to count to 30.

At 10, the car alarm goes off.

I go back outside and he's climbed into the passenger seat. I let him out and he's got tears and snot and DH comes up to see what all the commotion is and DS tells him "Mama locked me in the car and I was so scared I wanted to throw up. I could have died in there!"

Of course I gave him a hug and told him I would never have left him in the car overnight and that he wasn't going to die any time soon, especially not in our driveway.

We'd had a lot going on with playdates, going to the park, having people over for dinner and the Wii (which DS isn't allowed to play because of his poor sportsmanship and tendency to pee himself rather than pause the game but we made exceptions when we had company) and it pissed me off that after all the fun stuff he would behave like that, especially over going to sleep!

I'm sure I could have handled it better but c'mon. He said he wasn't getting out. He might as well have drawn a line down his car seat and said, "I double dog dare you to get me out of this car." And I love a challenge.

So. There it is. My own bad mommy moment.