Smartass

Scene: The family decides to take a late afternoon visit to the pool. The mother, who prefers to jacuzzi, notices an unusually high amount of debris floating on the surface. Father and son dive into the pool. Mother grabs the pool skimmer-cleaning thingy.

Son: "What is Mommy doing?"

Father: "She's cleaning the leaves and stuff out of the jacuzzi."

Son: "Why?"

Father: "Mommy works here now."

Son: "Yay! Mommy found a new job!"

They Had Me at Eat

Bathing Suit Shopping Could Be So Much Better...

...with Mimosas and babysitting. Am I right? How lovely to be greeted at the fitting room with a champagne flute and someone to entertain your child.

The suit I bought last year is holding up OK but I knew it wouldn't make it through this summer. Our vacation has been scrapped and I'm embracing my neighborhood pool so new suits were definitely in order.

I was able to get three designer suits and I'm happy with what I found. I don't know why I'm more embarrassed to show pictures of me in a bathing suit than I was to be naked but I am. No comments from the peanut gallery!

These bottoms are mine. The top is Kenneth Cole and was only $5! Is it too maternity-ish?


I didn't think this suit was going to fit. But I couldn't leave it on the rack. Not my favorite color. I wish it helped the girls a little more but for $15 I can live with a little droopage.


I don't normally wear bikinis because of the whole muffin top, slow metabolism, mid-thirties thing* but I like this one. The fact that it's Tommy Bahama, was originally $116 and I got it for $25 made me like it even better! (I tried to soft focus my tummy and sharpen my bewbs to distract you from the stretch marks. Did it work?)

What about you? Have you had any luck with swimsuits this season? Where did you find them?

*Dear Picnik, please develop a stretch mark removal tool, thanks!

Thank you to Marshall's and TJ Maxx for helping me with my Swimsuit Spendervention!

Fair Food Has No Calories, Right?

"I don't just like chocolate covered bacon, I LOVE it!"
-Tyler, age 6

My first Deep Fried Snickers (heaven on a stick!)

Not pictured: hamburger, french fries, corn dogs, gelato, beef jerky, granola bars and chocolate chip cookies.

Fourth of July Desserts from Taste of Home

I love cookbooks. I don't always cook, but I love to flip through cookbooks and drool dream over all the fabulous meals I could make. Hmm... Maybe I actually only like the idea of cookbooks and all the possibilities.

Anyway, I recently subscribed to Taste of Home magazine. Some of their desserts for 4th of July look divine. We're going to visit my mom for the weekend and to a party at a high school friends' house. It's potluck and I want to take my famous beans and a dessert (to go along with the red, white and blue jello shots).

I thought I'd share some of the recipes I found in case you're in need of something for this weekend. Click on each picture to go to the Taste of Home site for printing. I think I'm going with the pretzel rods and the shortcake squares. How about you? What are your plans? Are you making anything special?

Red, White and Blue Dessert

Stars and Stripes Forever

Lemon Nut Star Cookies

Shortcake Squares

Patriotic Cupcakes

Pretzel Sparklers

Berries N Creme Torte

Patriotic Trifle

*I got my subscription from She Speaks. Neither they or Taste of Home asked me to write about this. And I hate that I have to qualify that to appease the masses. Being helpful shouldn't require a disclaimer.

Remembering Michael Jackson

(August 5, 1984)

One of, if not THE, greatest entertainer of my generation has left the earth before his time. Michael Jackson, The King Of Pop, is gone. Him music is legendary. His fans are zealous. His life is a bit of mystery wrapped in controversy and a meteoric rise to fame. But his accomplishments are indisputable:

*Favorite Male Artist (Pop/Rock and R&B/Soul) 1984 American Music Awards
*Favorite Album (Pop/Rock and R&B/Soul) 1984 American Music Awards
*Favorite video (Pop/Rock and R&B/Soul) 1984 American Music Awards
*Pop Artist of the Year 1983 Billboard
*Black Artist of the Year 1983 Billboard
*Entertainer of the Decade 1990 American Cinema Awards
*Artist of the Century 2002 American Music Awards
*Pop Artist of the Millennium 2002 Bambi Awards
*Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (TWICE)
*Inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2002

All told, Michael Jackson won almost 200 major awards in his lifetime including 13 Guinness World Records. He made millions of dollars in charitable donations. I think it's safe to say there will never be another performer of his caliber, with his star power.

At best, Michael Jackson was troubled, at worst he was disturbed. There will be plenty of time for dissection, unauthorized biographies and criticism. But today, while his children, family and fans mourn his passing, let's remember and celebrate his contribution to music, pop culture and Black History.

Go 'head, Michael. Rock on with your bad self.