Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

In the Interest of Fairness

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I thought it only fair, given what I said previously about discipline, that I post one of my own less than perfect Mommy moments. This happened a few weeks ago. I posted this story on another site during the Carnival (I wish I could remember which one!). Entrants were asked to post their best/worst Super or Slacker Mommy story and I chose Slacker. Enjoy.

I took DS to the bookstore and used a gift card given to my DH to buy him 5 new chapter books. He was literally jumping off the furniture and I had to tear him away from the train table to look at titles with me.
Then we went to the shoe store where I had to practically sit on him to keep him from running up and down the aisles, trying on the high heels and rolling on the floor.
After, we pull into the driveway and I ask him to go straight inside and start getting ready for bed since it was past bedtime. Immediate whining ensues about not having watched any TV, and wanting more to eat for dinner (mind you we've been gone for almost 2 hours and it's almost 9 o'clock).

I get mad, tell him he's being a brat after all the stuff I just bought him and so much for being able to stay out late like a big kid because I won't let him do it again if this is how he's going to act (we've been working on Attitude of Gratitude).

Cross go the arms, out go the lips, in comes the attitude and he says he's not going inside and he's not going to bed. EVER. Humph. So, I say goodnight, get out of the car, set the alarm and go inside the house to count to 30.

At 10, the car alarm goes off.

I go back outside and he's climbed into the passenger seat. I let him out and he's got tears and snot and DH comes up to see what all the commotion is and DS tells him "Mama locked me in the car and I was so scared I wanted to throw up. I could have died in there!"
Of course I gave him a hug and told him I would never have left him in the car overnight and that he wasn't going to die any time soon, especially not in our driveway.

We'd had a lot going on with playdates, going to the park, having people over for dinner and the Wii (which DS isn't allowed to play because of his poor sportsmanship and tendency to pee himself rather than pause the game but we made exceptions when we had company) and it pissed me off that after all the fun stuff he would behave like that, especially over going to sleep!

I'm sure I could have handled it better but c'mon. He said he wasn't getting out. He might as well have drawn a line down his car seat and said, "I double dog dare you to get me out of this car." And I love a challenge.

So. There it is. My own bad mommy moment.

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Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged (Matthew 7)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

First, I will say that I am not perfect and that DS doesn't get to wear his halo all the time. I know being a parent is hard and I know we should all be supportive rather than point and whisper behind one another's backs.

But, what can I say? I'm judgmental and opinionated. At least I'm honest.

I was reading the May '08 issue of Parenting magazine one morning over coffee and came across a short, funny excerpt from Stephanie Wilder-Taylor's new book Naptime is the New Happy Hour.

"Ever been around a parent who starts off every sentence by whining, 'He won't let me'- as in, he won't let me put him down, cut his toenails, mix a martini, etc.? Um, last time I checked, you outweigh him by at least a hundred pounds. Man up."

I laughed because 1) I agree wholeheartedly and 2) it reminded of something that happened at the outlet mall last week. I was in one of the kid stores looking for a birthday present. When I first walked in, I noticed a mom and her toddler girl. I'm guessing she was 3. Said girl was getting a talking to about the display mannequins that went something like this:

Mommy: No, no. We can't play with that. See the nice lady over there (points to store employee)? She's working very hard on these to make them look nice and we don't want to mess them up.

Girl: Mmphf mmp scherpy (couldn't understand her with the pacifier in her mouth. what? I already said I'm judgmental)

Mommy: Now put the dolly back.

I browsed for a bit then went back to a cute outfit in the front of the store. Girl still had the mannequin, and was sitting in the front window undressing it. Mommy was choosing to ignore her and hoping no one would say anything looking through the racks but then her friend in the back of the store called out for her to come back and take a look at something.

More eavesdropping by me:

Mommy: Come on honey follow me.

Girl: No response

Mommy: Sweetie come here please, put that down.

Girl: Crickets chirping

Mommy: Put the dolly down and come with me.

Girl: Makes eyes contact, totally blows Mommy off

Mommy to Friend: Just leave it there, she's not coming with me and I don't want to leave her here.

WT? By now I'm ready to take "dolly," get right in Girl's face and tell her to straighten up or there will be no organic, agave sweetened soy treats for you when you get home missy!

Come on folks. It's time for real discipline to make a comeback. I'm not talking about going out in the yard and cutting a switch, but stop negotiating. Say no, mean no, and move on.

I've read the same articles as you have about behavior and positive reinforcement and not focusing on the negative to better your child's self esteem. Most of that is horse pucky. My parents didn't sit me down and make "I statements" when I misbehaved, they told me (not asked me) to knock that s**t off or else (I'm paraphrasing).

Saying no and being negative all day long is a drag. I feel you. But bending over for your kids may make today go by more smoothly, but what about tomorrow and next week? IMHO, If Mommy doesn't let Girl know right now who's in charge, they're in for a heap of trouble later on.

I can see it now: Girl and my DS meet at school. She's a sophomore, he's a senior and he's tutoring her in Algebra 2.I invite her to stay for dinner and she takes one look at my starchy, carby meal and says, "like, I can't eat this, " and I'll have to bitch slap her.

Granted, maybe I caught Mommy on a bad day. But I don't think so. Feel free to follow me and DS around and post anything you might see or hear on your own blog.

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The Downsides of Mommyhood

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I love my son. I love being a mom. I love my son. I love being a mom. I love my son. I love being a mom.

You know what gets to me the most about being a parent? The repetition. I can handle meltdowns, the non stop chatter, bedtime battles and fussy eating habits.

But having to repeat myself all day long makes we want to stick a fork in my eye.

Yesterday I took DS to a birthday party at Leo Carrillo. He had a great time following the peacocks and when we got home he was totally wound up. I, on the other hand, could barely keep my eyes open.

DH woke up around 3am with a bad cough and neither of us could get back to sleep, so by mid afternoon I was draggin' ass. Anyway, DS is on a mission to save Princess Leia which requires him to throw himself on the floor firing over his shoulder like a stunt double.

Every time he lands it sounds like we're hosting a martial arts demonstration in our living room. First I ask nicely to either keep it down or go downstairs to his room and make all the noise he wants. Then I ask again. And again. And again.

Finally I lose it and start yelling and I've given this speech so many times I might as well record it so next time I can keep reading my book and just hit play.

Repeating myself over and over sucks. Plain and simple. And there are days when it seems it's all I do. You know the drill: Why are you still in pajamas? Finish your breakfast! Brush your teeth! Get your shoes on! Where's your backpack? What do you mean you still need to brush your teeth?!

Why don't they listen?!?!

Deep breath. OK, I'm better now.

I know ignoring him or just going to another room myself would be easier. But that's not the point. If I did that, he wouldn't take me seriously and then I'd be one of those parents with that kid.

And, I guess the bad days make the good ones where I ask DS to do something and he says, "OK Mama" and actually does it the first time that much sweeter.

Lesson learned.

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