Showing posts with label at home mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label at home mom. Show all posts

Mom Guilt: A Force of Nature

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I've been doing the stay at home mom thing for a little over a year now. Which means I've had a year to become organized, with an easy to manage schedule and routine. A year to figure out how to manage my time and find a balance between running a home, being a wife and mom, growing this blog, nurturing my friendships, and keep up with my book club and blogging group. A year should be plenty of time get my act together and have everything under control, right?

I'll give you a moment to find a tissue for the tears of laughter.

All set?

Anyway, yesterday I had two doctor appointments in the morning then went on errands, keeping an eye on the clock so I could make it school in time for pick up at 3:10. All day, that time was in the back of my mind, playing over and over like a CD on repeat, "must finish in time for pick up, must finish in time for pick up." We took Drama Kid out of the after school care program so I'm not used to needing to be at school right at the bell on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, thus the mental reminder.

After the second doctor appointment I went to WalMart. Time check: 12:45. Totally on schedule. Then I went to the commissary which is on the marine base in Oceanside. Time check: 1:30. I forgot my list, which always makes shopping take longer but we didn't need a whole lot. Pushing it but doable.

I made my way through the store and by the time I got to the frozen foods I could tell I was running late. Time check: 2:39. Crap! If I really hurry, he'll only be waiting outside for a few minutes.

I knew I was forgetting something but I got in line and was starting to put the groceries on the belt when my cell rang. I wasn't going to answer since I was in a hurry but, as a mom, there's always that moment of "what if it has to do with the kid?" so I looked at the caller ID and sure enough it was the school.

"Hi Mel, this is A from the front office?"

"Yes, hello."

"Well, I'm sure it just slipped your mind, but Wednesday is early pick up day for teacher conferencing. We have Drama Kid here in the office." Double crap!

"I'm so sorry! I did forget, he usually goes to the after program. I'll leave the store right now."

The school only calls when a parent is more than half an hour late. On early day, classes get out at 2:10. Triple crap!

I started helping the bagger and at first he waved me off but when I him my son's school just called he kicked it into high gear and helped me load everything into my car.

The whole way to school I kept thinking, "I can't believe I forgot my child," and that replaced the "must finish in time for pick up" mantra on the loop in my head.

I forgot my child! I'm a stay at home mom. It's not like I was in a meeting or on a deadline. I was comparing prices and digging through my coupons. How could I forget my kid?!

And I know, I didn't really forget him, but it certainly felt that way. Especially when I went into the office and he was sitting on the floor, all alone next to his backpack.

I apologized profusely to the office staff and they were understanding because they remembered he was normally supposed to be at the after program, but I still felt like they ready to call CPS and report me for neglect.

And I apologized to Drama Kid once we were in the car and he said, "that's OK, Mom" and dug into his snack. He was safe and had obviously moved on with his life but I felt horrible and guilty all night.

I don't know why being at home is still so hard. I've had a year to get it right. It's one thing to forget a dentist appointment but not your kid. *sigh* Hopefully it won't take me another year to get it together.

How about you? Have you left you child somewhere? Was the transition from "working*" mom to at home mom hard for you and how did you handle it?

*I put working in quotes because we all work no matter if our office is a cubicle or a mini van!
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