Showing posts with label being a yes mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being a yes mom. Show all posts

Would You Turn Down Free Tickets Because of Your Child's Sports Practice?

Monday, October 4, 2010

I haven't done as well as I think I can at being a Yes Mom when it comes to sweets and computer time (though I have bought Tyler two popsicles). But I think Phil and I do kick ass when it comes to doing things with Tyler that make lasting memories. Last Friday, I didn't tell Tyler until after school that he and I were going to Disneyland. We stayed overnight, and the next day we checked out all the Halloween stuff in the park. 

I'm so fortunate with all the things this blog has brought me. I try to share my good fortune with friends and family whenever I can. I invited our neighbor's kids to go with us as a thank you for watching Tyler when I was in Vegas. They declined because they had a busy weekend planned. I invited my other neighbor. No, sorry, dance and karate. 

I invited so many people, and got the same answer each time. Everyone declined because of their kids' schedules. I have to say I was totally surprised. I literally could not give the extra tickets away! I agree that we have to teach our kids to honor their commitments to their sports. We've had that conversation ourselves when Tyler complains about being too busy. 

But the way I see it, Tyler has his whole adult life to be beholden to someone else and to feel the weight of commitments he can't ignore. Childhood goes by so fast. It won't be too much longer until, as far as Tyler is concerned, the only things Phil and I will be good for are rides, spending money and keeping him fed. Now is the time to make memories. Now is the time for bending the rules a little. 

We've taken Tyler out of school for fun stuff before and we don't feel the least bit bad about it. Tyler has told us more times than we can count, "this has been the best day of my life!" We're so lucky to be able to have given him that. To us, that's part of what being a parent is about. Even though we didn't have company, Tyler and I had a great time together. I just wish the friends I invited had been able to see beyond the missed practice to the potential for lasting memories.

What do you think? Is it OK to miss a class for something like this? Would you have gone? 



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*Disney provided our hotel accommodations and tickets to the parks.

I Will: Be More of a Yes Mom

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Tyler and I were at Henry's a few weeks ago getting supplies for dinner. He asked if I would buy a pack of mini blueberry muffins. I said no, we have mix at home, we can make them. His response stayed with me. It wasn't what he said, "you always say that," it was how he said it. He sounded so resigned and a little defeated. Then I lost my Mom of the Year hat because I totally turned it around on him. "Well, you can always offer to help me make them." 

Why did I say that?! It was a knee jerk reactionary and passive aggressive statement. It's not like he was accusing me of being a horrible mom in the middle of the grocery store (though that must be how I took it since I basically blamed him for the lack of fresh baked goods in our house). I felt horrible after I said it. Who blames the 7-year old for not offering to bake?

I thought about what he said for the rest of the day. He's totally right. I do always say we can make muffins but rarely follow through. It's just muffins. And not even homemade ones.* Why is it so hard for me to give him something so simple? I resolved to be a different mom for the rest of the summer. I posted on Facebook that I was going to be "more of a Yes Mom." Since I posted I think I've done OK.

We spent last week at the beach with Phil's family. I smelled like campfire smoke every day and brought half the beach home with us, but Tyler had a blast. Between the junk food, S'mores and candy he had more crap in a week than he's had in a month (probably longer).

Between Phil and I, Tyler has been to the park (many times), Disneyland, the zoo, three camps, our neighborhood pool (a LOT), the library and the book store (that's my boy!). There's been more TV, computer and Wii time and staying-up -until-11:30 reading time than I normally allow. I think we've given him a good summer. 

At the end of the day, when Tyler gets older he won't remember the exact things we've done for him, or the quantity of things we did. He will remember that we were there. When he looks back on the times he said, "today was the best day of my life!" we'll be woven into those memories. I don't want any of his best days tarnished by all the times we said 'no' to one of his requests.

When we got pregnant, we talked about not giving in, not letting our child control the house and drawing the line being being occasionally indulgent and spoiling. I think we've gotten so caught up in keeping Tyler grounded that we forget to let him have fun. 

Santee, Ca July 2010
I'm going to try harder to find the balance between giving him every little thing he asks for and keeping reasonable limits. I will continue to make him "earn" his treats but slip him a piece of candy once in awhile. I will bring a little more fun into our time together. I will make more muffins.

*I add a little vanilla and fresh berries to the mix so they could totally pass for homemade.
 
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