Showing posts with label embarrasing moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embarrasing moments. Show all posts

My Bad Habit and an Embarrassing Story

Friday, November 5, 2010

I have a bad habit. I walk around the house in my birthday suit. A lot. It's kind of accidental and mostly happens when I'm alone. I'll be getting dressed, undressed or about to get in the shower and my scattered brain will remember I left coffee in the microwave, forgot to push start on the dryer, didn't put soap in the washer or need the bra I have on the drying rack. Whatever has distracted me I have to see to it right then, or I risk forgetting. My habit has only gotten me in trouble once until recently.

The first time was back in college. One day I had to go to campus in the morning and then to my restaurant job in the early afternoon so I could help out with Happy Hour. I ended up having enough time to leave school and go home for a shower and something to eat before work. 

I decided to make a box of mac and cheese so I'd have leftovers for after work. I got the water boiling, added the pasta and forgot all about it while I was watching TV. I was literally one foot in the shower when I remembered. I ran into the kitchen not bothering to grab a towel. My roommate came home to find me in the kitchen, naked and cursing, scraping a pot of fried elbow noodles into the trash. 

"Is this what you do when I'm not home? Cook naked?" 

She got a great laugh out of it and teased me about it for awhile. That was the last time someone has accidentally caught me in the buff. But, a few weeks ago, I almost exposed myself to the neighborhood painters. 

I'd dropped Tyler off at school and came in through the garage the way I usually do. There are two doors in my laundry room; one from the garage into the laundry room and the other from the laundry into the house. I often leave the garage door and both house doors open to bring some fresh air and what little breeze I can get into the house. Of course I forgot they were open and went downstairs to take a shower.

Occasionally, Tyler doesn't flush and when I walked into the bathroom for my shower it smelled "less than fresh" so I flushed. Did I remember that the toilet had clogged the night before? Nope. Our toilets totally suck at their job so the gurgling instead of swooshing is all too familiar for us. I've become quite adept at turning the valve off really fast and avoiding overflow. 

Anyway, I figured I shouldn't leave it like that. I went upstairs to get the plunger and a bucket. Which are both in the garage. The wide open garage. I was so focused on the task at hand and thinking about the errands I was going to run the clues that I was about to put on a peep show went right over my head:

1. The bright daylight coming into my kitchen
2. The sound of at least three different male voices 
3. The noise of the air compressors for the paint sprayers

Why yes, I am that clueless sometimes. 

You'd think I'd just go back to the shower and plunge later. But then I'd be all clean trying to keep poop water from sloshing on my feet. Better to just get the dirty work over with. 

So, I'm naked in the kitchen (again!) wondering how I can avoid having to go all the way back downstairs for my bathrobe. I was thisclose to grabbing a sweater jacket from the coat closet but I grabbed something from the laundry pile instead.

I wrapped myself in Tyler's Star Wars sheet, went into the garage, hit the button to close it and got the plunger. I prefer to think of it as industriousness rather than laziness.

Have you been caught in the buff? Please share your embarrassing stories so I don't feel so alone.

She May Never Speak to Me again After This

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Have you ever been in a situation that reminded you of someone you know, at a totally inappropriate moment? That happened to me today when I thought about Bejewell.

I went for an ultrasound this morning (no, not that kind!). When I got into the exam room, the tech told me my doctor ordered two different scans, one abdominal and one v@ginal. Yippee! If you've never had an internal ultrasound, the wand is like a vibrat@r for newbies only not nearly as fun.

So, after the outside ultrasound, I had to use the loo so as not to pee on the table for the internal exam. I got undressed, stretched out, and the tech smeared me up. (Side note: sincere thanks to whomever designed the gel warmer thingy.) Despite being female and having the same ladyparts, she couldn't find the, um, entrance and I had to insert the wand myself. Yeah, I know!

I'm staring at the ceiling while the tech is moving the wand around. Left, right, up and down like a vajajay joystick. Despite having an empty bladder, my discomfort is growing and I'm sure my uterus and ovaries were all, "the hell?" And the more the tech stirs my innards the more pressure I feel until I'm scared I might toot. Which made me think of the "musical fruit" song from when we were kids, and that made me think of Beej.

Which? Totally made me want to laugh. But I couldn't because I was worried the muscle contractions would force the joystick out AND make me toot. So I had to try and hold in my laughter and gas at the same time which, let me tell you, was not easy.

Now that I have embarrassed myself and potentially lost a friend, it's your turn! Where have you been that made you think of someone even though the circumstances had zero to do with the person?

What Would You Do?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I took my son to martial arts on Tuesday. I forgot to turn off my cell and of course got a call. I took it outside and when I walked out the door I had my back to another mom. She was seated with her back against the wall helping her daughter with schoolwork.

I turned back toward the studio to watch the class and almost dropped my phone. Not only was the woman sitting with her knees up in a dress, but she was wearing a maxi pad in her lace underwear! Eeew! Ick! Blech! My eyes!

I was floored. I finished my call and hurried back inside where I promptly whispered what I'd been unfortunate enough to see to hubby.

Normally, I can be pretty upfront with my opinions. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her to close her legs already, but I didn't say anything.

Would you have told her to keep her menses to herself?
What have you seen that you wish you could permanently erase from your mind?
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