I've been sitting on this post for so long, it's almost irrelevant. I started my 40 Before 40 list and have been stuck at thirty for about two months. I'm not sure what that says about me. Either I don't have a lot of ambition or I feel pretty satisfied with the things I've accomplished so far.

In no particular order, here is my incomplete 40 Before 40 list:

1. Learn how to use my camera
2. Take a really good picture
3. Have a reason to need a passport
4. Go away for the weekend with my husband
5. Go away for the weekend with just the girls
6. Learn a new computer program like Adobe Elements
7. Define my business goals and make a business plan
8. Earn enough money through the business to hire a cleaning service
9. Take Tyler to the Midwest meet his extended family  
10. Renew my wedding vows
11. Be on TV more, I really enjoy the news segments I've done
12. Be a guest on a podcast or other online show
13. Learn how to do the smokey eye
14. Own at least one pair of fabulous designer shoes
15. Define my "style" and start to shop accordingly
16. Take a photography class
17. Have a spa day with my mom and Gramma
18. Have a Girls Only day at Disneyland
19. Do something that really scares me
20. Attend CES, Blog World or other non "mom" conference
21. Buy another lens or other piece of camera equipment
22. Go to a taping of the Ellen Show
23. See all the movies up for an Oscar before Oscar night
24. Go to an Oakland Raider game in Oakland
25. Have a grocery trip where I buy at least $200 worth for less than $30
26. Pay off my credit card
27. See Air Force One in person and/or meet the President
28. Do a 3 Day walk in another city
29. Own at least one fantastic handbag
30. Spend a day at the beach riding my dream bike, the Karma by Electra

And that's where my inspiration stops. Do you have a bucket list post? Link to it below so I can possibly steal some of your ideas.

Attempting to Embrace the Chaos

Lately I've been trying really hard to embrace the crazy. I threw my hands up and cried 'Uncle.' My Type A, anal side is having a hard time accepting the reality of how frenetic our lives have become lately, but the practical side is encouraging the the Type A side to take deep breaths and realize things will slow down soon enough.

I think it would be easier for me to let go if my mom and I hadn't had a few 'discussions' about everything from the state of my carpets to my son's wrinkled shorts. We're having one of those mother daughter moments where advice is really criticism in disguise. I've had to defend the choices I've made (or not made).

She doesn't understand why I can't "do it all" while one of the first things she did after my brother moved out a few years ago was hire a someone to clean twice a month. Things got heated. The phrase 'cleanliness is next to Godliness' was used. I realized I was on the verge of saying things I would end up regretting only after the satisfaction of getting the last word wore off.

Here's the thing: no, you can't eat off my floors but why would you want to? I have a perfectly good (and clean) kitchen table. My carpets are embarrassing, but the couch is clean. Sure, you'll have to move a pile of laundry to sit down but at least it's clean and folded. No one who comes into my home is afraid to sit down or eat anything I've made.

When I look back on my childhood and tell stories, I don't say, "man, my mom sure kept a super clean house." Instead, I talk about the green cookie jar that was always full of homemade cookies, us going shopping, her taking me to the library and buying me Sweet Valley High books, taking me to our local indoor pool and to the skating rink.

I don't think about our house or the laundry, I think about my mom herself. And that's what I want for Tyler. I want him to remember getting excited when I made his favorite meals for dinner and that I was at almost all of his practices and games. I also want Tyler to see me doing things that make me happy.

Am I happy that my house is a mess? No. It drives me absolutely crazy. But I decided awhile ago that I'm not a maid. I've already tried spending two hours a day making sure the house is exactly the way I like it (basically, perfect) and I've also tried screaming at my family to get them to help out more. Both ways left all of us miserable. I was resentful that I spent so much time cleaning for two people who could obviously care less and they got tired of me nagging.

The way I left it with my mom was to tell her that I don't have to do things the same way she did. We don't have to be the same kind of mom. She's a great mom and I like to think I'm doing a pretty good job myself. But, that doesn't mean I have to follow in her exact footsteps. And it definitely doesn't mean I should feel guilty for doing what works for us. Things may be crazy, busy and messy but we're having fun. At the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

Photo credit:

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Kristin on Pinterest