Oceanside Farmer's Market April 2010

What Do You Know About It?!

We've been watching Life on Discovery*. It's been great family time. It has, however, opened a door we weren't prepared to go through. The show talks a lot about mating. A lot. Two weeks ago, we were all cozied up on the couch watching the episode about birds when Oprah (she narrates) said the word seks and Tyler screwed up his face.

"Ewww!"

Me: "What's ewww?"

"She said, 'ES-E-X'." [how does he know how to spell it?!]

"What do you know about seks?" 

"It's gross."

"Why is it gross?"

Phil is looking at me over Tyler's head and his eyes kept getting bigger and more deer in headlights-y.

Kinda like this female Dawson's Burrowing Bee.

"Because there's all that kissing. That's gross."

"Actually, kissing is kissing. Seks is how babies are made."

Phil had a heart attack. 

Tyler didn't say anything to that. After the show, we sent him to get ready for bed.

Phil: "Why did you tell him that?!"

"I didn't want him on the playground yelling at some girl, 'stop trying to have seks with me!' He needs to know the difference."

"I'm not ready for this, he's only 7!" 

"Me neither, but kids are doing some scary stuff, we're going to have to talk about it eventually."

"Yes, but he's only 7!!"

We told my mom the story when she was here last week. She, of course, thought it was hysterical. My parents didn't have The Talk with me. I'm sure with my brother it was, "do not, under any circumstances, bring home a pregnant girlfriend." 

I've been wondering when the topics of seks would come up. I figured we'd wait until Tyler brought it up and answer age appropriately. When he was a toddler, we told him the proper names for body parts and that he used to drink milk from my breasts. I think we've done a good job giving him the information he needs and answering his questions honestly. 

Now that he's brought it up, I guess it's time to think more in depth about how we'll answer the actual how-to questions. I'm sure it will be up to me, given Phil's reaction to this little incident. 

How old were your kids when you had The Talk? What did you say?

*Life is such a good show. Very similar to the Planet Earth series. I wasn't asked to write about it, we just really enjoy it and have had fun watching together. Photo from the Life/Discovery website.

Losing My Mom of the Year Award

I made Tyler cry yesterday. Granted, I've done it before, but this time it was accidental. Yesterday's weather was below southern California standards. It wasn't nice enough for the pool, beach or park (don't hate) so we decided to go see How To Train Your Dragon.
Tyler was outside playing. I called him in and told him to change into jeans and get his shoes on.

Before I get to the part where I made him cry, let me explain a little bit about Tyler. He makes it virtually impossible to surprise him or treat him to something. Whenever I ask him to get ready so we can leave, he starts in with 20 Questions.

Are we going somewhere?
Where are we going?
Is it the park?
Which park are we going to?
Is it the squishy one* or the one with the sand?
It's not the park?
Is it Chuck e Cheese?
Will there be food there?
Will my cousin be there?
Is it the skate park?
Can I bring my scooter?
Why is the sky blue in the daytime but not at night?

If I don't answer, he just keeps going. I've told him before that sometimes, part of the excitement of going somewhere is the anticipation and element of surprise. He needs to just sit back and enjoy the ride every once in awhile. We're still working on it.

Back to the story.

I can see that he's about to launch into 20 Questions. We need to get moving since we decided to go at the last minute and wanted to catch the next showing (leaving us about 25 minutes to get there) so we could go to dinner afterwards. We didn't have time to play his game.

"We're going to the movies and we need to get a move on."

"What movie are we seeing?"

I get easily frustrated that, when asked to do something, Tyler doesn't always just do it because we're his parents and we asked him to. He has to question everything. I'm sure this is a trait I'll admire later. Now? Not so much. Which is probably what led to me saying:

"You're not seeing a movie, Daddy and I are seeing a grown up one and you're waiting in the car."

Phil laughed a little and said, "we're going to see How To Train Your Dragon and we need to hurry."

Fast forward to after the movie.** We're walking back to the car asking each other what we thought when Tyler says to me, "you know, Mom, you made me cry earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"Before, when I asked where we were going."

"You mean, when I said you were going to be waiting in the car?'

"Yes. I was crying in the back seat on the way here. I used Dad's sweatshirt to wipe my tears."

Yes, he actually said 'wipe my tears.' I felt about thisbig. He didn't hear Phil when he said the name of the movie. My poor kid thought he'd be sitting in the car alone! Obviously, my sarcasm didn't quite come through. I've apologized profusely, but think I'm going to have to pull something really special out of my ass to make up for this one.

Please tell me I'm not the only one to inadvertently reduce their kid to tears?

*We have a park nearby with that bouncy, rubber tire-like stuff under the play structure. We started calling it the squishy park, to differentiate it from the sand park, and the where-we-used-to-live park.
**We all loved the movie. It's really cute. We saw it in IMAX 3D. The dragons aren't super scary, except for the giant bad-guy one. I wouldn't take kids under 5.

Support Afterschool Programs in Your Area {sponsored}

When I was four, my mom worked and I went to daycare.  From the stories my parents tell, I hated it. I would cry every day at drop off. It got so bad that, anytime we got into the car and headed in that direction, I would "scream bloody murder," (direct quite from my mom) and my parents would have to spend a long time calming me down. After awhile, my parents decided it wasn't worth it, putting us all through that, and they decided my mom would stay home.

 

For us, we've been very fortunate in having access to good care for Tyler. We put him in kindergarten literally at the last minute and were lucky our school had spots open so close to the start of the school year. One of the reasons we like our district is the on-site, affordable child care. When I was working, having before and after care right on the school grounds gave us so much peace of mind. Tyler loved Miss Rosie and Miss Molly! They helped the kids with their homework, gave them a snack and offered a good balance between play time and crafts.

But, I had working mom guilt that we weren't able to enroll Tyler into any type of sports or have after school playdates because of our schedules. Now that I'm home, I'm trying to make up for lost time. The few hours we have together after school before the homework and dinner chaos have become really special. We're taking full advantage of So Cal living and we go to the beach, the park, the farmer's market, on bike rides, play tennis, hang out at the pool, to the local skate park or occasionally for Fro Yo or ice cream. Tyler loves his martial arts class and now he wants to start competing in tournaments (hold me!)

Just like my mom, I know I'm blessed to have the option to stay at home. I also know that my situation could change, I'll have to go back to work and we'll need to utilize the on-site care at school again. Finding affordable, quality childcare shouldn't be a luxury or dependent on the neighborhood you live in, but that's the case for lots of working families. 15 million children take care of themselves after school. I see kids Tyler's age walking home after school and it makes me sad thinking they might be alone for hours until their families get home.

Afterschool programs can help keep kids off the streets. My brother didn't go to a formal program. He wasn't a trouble maker, per se, but occasionally things seemed to "just happen" to he and his friends. The hours right after school are when kids are most likely to experiment or get in trouble. My brother got involved in soccer and I firmly believe it kept him on the right path.

The Afterschool Alliance  and its partners are working to keep affordable programs available for all families. Quaker Chewy, a new partner, created a contest to help spread the word about Afterschool Alliance. If you have an iCarly fan at home, enter the Afterschool Rocks Sweeptsakes and Miranda Cosgrove could play a concert for your kids' school and a meet and greet with Miranda.

If you want to get involved in afterschool programs as a volunteer or find a program in your area the Afterschool Alliance has links on their site. They're also on Twitter and Facebook. You have until April 16th to get your daily entries into the sweepstakes.

What are your favorite after school memories?

*This is a sponsored post from Quaker Chewy Afterschool Rocks. I was compensated to write this post but the thoughts and memories I'm making with my son are completely my own.