You may have heard there's a pretty big blog conference coming up in a few days. Blogs and Twitter are all aflutter with conference talk, especially with advice from the veterans to the newbies.

The general theme of the advice I've read seems to be: don't stress, bring business cards, be yourself, it's a conference not the red carpet and for the love of Pete wear comfortable shoes! For the most part, I agree with all of that. However, I think I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent on one thing.

I say wear the fun shoes.

Yes, this is a conference. Yes, we're there to learn. But we're also there to have fun! For me, clothes and shoes are fun! And hello? New York! Will anyone remember what I was wearing? No. Will anyone judge me on what I'm wearing or not wearing? Maybe. * Do I care? No. Because it's not about everybody else, it's about me and what's important for my conference experience. And for me, clothes, shoes and looking nice are important.

I wore these to Mom's Nite Out

I don't know about you, but when I think I look good, I feel good. If wearing a spectacular** pair of shoes (or dress, handbag, favorite necklace) will make you feel good, do it!

I see nothing wrong with wanting to put your best face (or foot) forward. In addition to meeting other bloggers for the first time, we have an opportunity to meet ad agency reps, PR reps and celebrities. If, like me, one of your goals for this conference (or any conference) is treating everyone you meet as a potential client or business partner, why wouldn't you want to look nice?

I know it's not a fashion show, but I'm not gonna lie***. I've been shopping and I love the things I've found. Part of the fun of getting ready has been planning my outfits. I don't get to play dress up very often so I'm taking full advantage at BlogHer.

For me it boils down to this: do what makes you happy, what you'll be comfortable with and what will help you make the most of what will be an amazing weekend.

If you're going, please say hi! I'll be the one in cute shoes.

*Anyone who does isn't worth knowing.

**Spectacular is not always synonymous with towering or spike-y. There are so many awesome flats, sandals and wedges for the summer! Style does not have to be a sacrifice to comfort.

***In my opinion, women dress for other women. Not all, but most.

Issues? I Have Plenty

Tyler hurt my feelings Tuesday night. It was inadvertent, but the comment has stayed with me. I was out of sorts and cranky all day yesterday and I think part of it was the residual sting (mostly it was perimenopause). We were watching TV together (I got him into Future Food and Cake Boss) and Jennifer Hudson's Weight Watchers commercial came on.

When the special promotion was announced (lose all the weight you want for $1, I think), Tyler turns to me and says, "you should do that, Mom."

"You think I need to lose weight?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"So you can look hot."

Whoa.

I know he wasn't being mean. I don't think he really knows what it means to look hot. But it stung, nonetheless. He can't possibly know about all my issues and hangups. At least I hope not.

One of the reasons I tell myself it's probably a good thing I don't have a little girl is because there's almost no way I wouldn't pass on all my body issues to her. My weight is a pretty big one. The Braces Diet is still working but the pants I wore at National Mom's Nite Out are a little snug. And I'm freaking out.

Losing weight has been a strange trip. A few weeks ago my neighbor said to me that I was starting to get a little puffy but now I'm looking really good. Um, thanks? I'm happy with my new size; the single digit in my pants, but I still feel I have a long way to go until I look like the "after" image I have of myself in my head.

I have this sick need to compare myself with other people. Usually it's in a crowded place like an amusement park or the mall. Someone will walk by and I wonder if my butt jiggles the way hers does or if I the shirt I'm wearing gives me back fat too. It's an awful thing to do. I fully admit that. I'm not judging, only comparing. I feel yucky doing it but can't seem to stop.

I wish I had a mirror that lets me see myself the way other people see me. So many people tell me now that I look great. I don't mind hearing it. Part of me likes the compliment. The other parts of me feel guilty for liking the compliments on something superficial and still another part of me feels guilty because I haven't had to work at losing the weight and I don't deserve the praise. Screwed up, much?

When I was leaving one of the media events at the Social Media Moms event at Disney this past February, I ran into Laura. I'd been keeping an eye out for her because I hadn't seen her since my first blogging trip to Disneyworld back in 2008. We were standing right next to each other. I said, "hello, nice to see you, I was wondering when I'd run into you!" and I could tell she had no idea who this person acting so familiar with her was. I had to take off my hat and say, "it's me! Melanie!" She honestly didn't recognize me and said my face was totally different than the last time she saw me.

At Blissdom, I know I totally hurt Casey's feelings. When we ran into each other she told me I look great and I responded with something like, "did I not look good before?" or something equally bitchy and uncalled for. Casey looked appropriately taken aback and I felt like a total shit. I'm so sorry, friend. I really didn't mean for it to come out that way. It wasn't you, it was me. Truly.

I'm a walking contradiction. I have a good self image. I know I'm a good person, a good mom, wife, daughter and friend. I'm loyal. I'm giving, sometimes to a fault. But my self image and self esteem are two different beasts. I like the person I am, I just don't always love the packaging. 

Posting pictures of myself here in my bathing suits (and naked) was so outside my comfort zone. I did it to force the issue with myself. I hoped the photos would give me the real picture. I would be able to look at them and say, "see? it's not so bad!" Yeah. That hasn't happened yet.

So when Tyler said I should join Weight Watchers I wanted to cry. I honestly don't think I look that different or that I've lost that much weight. But, to literally be unrecognizable to someone I know, the changes have to be really profound. I'm terrified I'm going to put the weight I've lost back on. It's shallow and superficial, but it's true. 

I feel horrible making an issue of it because I know some people really struggle with their weight. Someone else will look at me and wonder what I have to complain about. That makes feel awful. Logically, I know I should get over myself. But I'm nothing if not emotional. I told Tyler that people can be hot without losing weight. If only I could internalize that statement and make myself believe it.