photo © 2010 William Arthur Fine Stationery | more info (via: Wylio)

One of the reasons I started blogging was because the community totally blew me away. When I was only reading blogs and hadn't started my own, I was impressed, awed and inspired by this group of people I didn't even know existed but was so happy to discover.

They were forging friendships, relationships and support networks that spanned the country and even the globe. This group had formed a community that was willing to support, encourage and help one another. They were totally vested in each others lives. And that was something I wanted to be part of.

But times are changing and not really for the better. The community and the sense that "we're all in this together," is being replaced with divisiveness, attitude, holier-than-thou, anger, finger pointing and a general ugliness that is really detracting from what we've worked so hard to build. Some days, blogging is not even fun anymore.

I read several blogs whose authors are so candid and revealing. They get much more personal than I do here. It's refreshing to read other people say the things I often think but feel I can't put here. Some of the bloggers have recently recounted the emails, comments and Tweets they receive that are so incredibly negative and insensitive. Which, really? Don't do a whole lot of good. Sometimes an actual conversation or dialogue takes place, but more often than not there's nothing but defensiveness. I'm all for discussion and debate. Hell, sometimes I wish I could write the type of post that really gets people talking. But the spite and hatefulness are just not necessary, and it's bringing us all down.

We put our hearts and souls online. And to be slammed by the very people who are part of our community, people we should be able to trust, is such an insult. The spaces we create are for our thoughts, hopes, dreams, hesitations, insecurities, fears, triumphs, joys and sorrows. Our spaces are whatever we need them to be, when we need them to be it.

For someone to step into another person's space and be disrespectful is almost unconscionable. So many blogs read as though we're sitting in a kitchen, having a conversation. If someone came into my kitchen with no other purpose than to spew negativity and vitriol? They would be permanently uninvited. Mind you, I'm not talking about disagreeing with me. I'm speaking of the hostility and judgement that I've seen lately. It's mind boggling. And sad. And disheartening.

It seems that for some, the other side of the keyboard creates this magic force field of righteousness. There are ways to have a conversation without name calling. There are ways to create a dialogue without getting on a soapbox. There are ways to express an opinion or disagree without resorting to, "I'm right, you're wrong."

When I first started blogging, a lot of the advice to newbies on what makes a "good" blog was: keep your blog real. Be authentic. Be honest. No one wants to feel we're getting smoke blown up our asses day after day because life just isn't like that. We want the good and the bad. So many bloggers took that advice and do just that, and then they get hammered.

From where I sit, I hear, "I want honesty, candor and realty, but not too much honesty. I want someone to share the nitty gritty, but take note: If I don't agree, I'll absolutely let them know in no uncertain terms just how wrong they are."

There are people who really seem to think their shit doesn't stink and they have every right to judge. Well guess what? Light a match because I can smell it from here.

I fear that many people I read are going to clam up. They'll get so tired of all the negativity they'll start to edit themselves. That's not honesty, that's self censorship. Who wants to read that? I know I don't. Even worse, what if these people putting their hearts and souls into their work get so tired of the abuse they shut their sites down altogether.

What a travesty that would be. For all of us.

I don't know where this change is coming from. When I first appeared online there was this sense that we're all here to support one another as women, men, parents, entrepreneurs and writers. One minute we're all in a circle, holding candles and singing the Coca Cola song and the next we're tearing each other down. Disagreement doesn't have to equal disrespect.

For what it's worth, I do still see a lot positivity. But the negativity cloud keeps getting bigger and bigger and the few rotten apples in the basket are making it harder and harder to keep perspective and focus on the good. It feels that there used to be a lot more 'unity' in our community. I close my reader sometimes and feel like I need a shower.

Remember Dirty Dancing? "This is my dance space, that's your dance space." In this modern age of 'unfollow,' 'unfriend,' 'unsubscribe,' and all the other 'uns'; if you don't like what someone is doing in their dance space, you have a lot of options. If what I'm doing on my space isn't interfering with yours, then we're all good.

So here's a question for the soap box standers: why are you giving up your power? In my mind, the more time someone spends complaining, pointing out another person's flaws (as you perceive them) and operating in a space of negativity; that's counterproductive. You're giving someone else an awful lot of control over you and your emotions. I'm trying not to speak for anyone else, but I've spent much of my adult years trying to keep my power. Take care of your own business before you tell someone how to take care of theirs.

This post has been in my mind for awhile. It's been floating so long I figured it's best to get it out and hope that I can move on. I'm not linking to anyone or any of the instances I've observed because there are many. I'm not trying to point fingers. This is just a 'state of the blog world as I see it.'

I'm hoping next year is different. I'd like to see a return to courtesy and respect. I think there will always be controversy and asshatery (especially from those who need to hide behind the Anonymous curtain). But I hope whatever feelings people are bottling up can be let out without there being so much ugly and bitterness.

We ask other media outlets to take us seriously. We can't expect them to if we don't take ourselves seriously and behave accordingly. We have a whole new year in front of us. Can we start with a clean slate? Can we all remember there are real people on the other side of the screen?

When we put our minds and hearts together we are a powerful force. I hope we can continue to use that power for good. I'm really looking forward to 2010. I want to be proud of our community again, not ashamed to tell people I'm in it. Please don't let me down.

I Frickin' Love Twitter!

One of the stations I listen to has been playing a song that I really like. It's catchy and upbeat. I sing and dance to it in the car. Of course, since it's a song I like, I hardly ever hear it. When do hear it, I always miss the name of the artist. Since I have an iPod Touch and not an iPhone, I can't use the Shazaam app.

I've Googled and gone to the station website hoping it will be on their playlist. I've gone to lyric sites and browsed iTunes, hoping I'd come across it. I listened to the station almost all day on Labor Day. Nothing. It was driving me crazy and I was about to give up. Then I saw this Tweet from@DowntownRob:


And I immediately downloaded the song and watched the video on You Tube. To the people who don't "get" Twitter, give it a chance before you label it as stupid or useless. I felt the same way at first. I stuck it out, got the hang of it and now I'm totally addicted!

Are you on the Twandwagon? If we're not Twitter pals yet leave your @ name in the comments.

BlogHer 2009 Recap: Conflicted

*I started writing this at BlogHer

Being at BlogHer is just what I needed. Blogging is getting a little harder and more time consuming for me as I try to expand what I'm doing online into my offline life and start the beginning of a business. I needed an injection of creativity, a boost in confidence and something to light a fire in blogging belly and I definitely got it at BlogHer.

But, I'm a little conflicted. I'm getting a lot out of the sessions (especially Marketing to Women of Color). And many of the sponsors present are brands and products I identify with and support. However, it also seemed that many were there just to reach "a room full of women." Sugar Jones summed up my feelings really well with a Tweet she sent out during the Friday morning opening remarks. The BlogHer founders were going over the major event sponsors and Sugar tweeted:

"Listening to the sponsor list and wondering if marketers know that we're more than lipstick and vacuums."

Amen, sister.

While I applaud the companies at BlogHer for being a part of such a great event and wanting to connect with bloggers in a social media setting, it would have been nice to see a bridge between our online lives and home lives that could benefit us far longer than a sample of laundry soap.

After the opening remarks I met Sheryl and Kim-Marie (@LuxuryTravelMom and @MktgMvn) and we had a short conversation about this. I told them about Sugar's Tweet and we agreed how great it would be to have a really powerful speaker who could motivate us as women, or sessions that could help those of us who need to re-enter the workforce, go back to school or figure out how to send our kids to college. (Now that I'm home I'll add to that become better writers, finding our voice and how to be consistent with it once we do.)

I met up with Sugar and told her I had a post forming and she echoed another sentiment I was feeling in that when things in our offline lives are in balance, our online lives will be too and our blogs will reflect that.

I was hesitant to post this because I'm still on sugh a high and I don't want this to seem like a knock against the BlogHer team, any of the participating sponsors, people who had sponsors or a rant about the swag* because it's absolutely not. The many things I LOVED about BlogHer, like the chance to meet my idols face to face, learn something new, share my opinion and make new friends, far outweigh the few I didn't and I will post about them too.

I know sponsors are necessary to make a conference (especially one on this scale) possible and affordable for its attendees. I also know so many people could not have attended BlogHer without their sponsors (myself included). There weren't any sponsors there who didn't fit, and, after all, we're their target market. Hence my conflicted nature. It just seems there could be more balance between the marketing, products and life outside of social media. (I tried to link to comments on Mom 101's post but am too lame to figure out how. Read the post and look for squaregirl's and Jozet's comments. Loved 'em.)

*But to the people who walked into a party, took the swag, walked out and told those of us who were on the way in that the swag wasn't worth it? Or those who outright stole swag? Or tackled people to get swag? Or Tweeted how awful a company was because you didn't get swag? Or who took sponsor MONEY to hand out swag but DIDN'T? Shame the fuck on you!

Ask Suze Orman

I'm so stoked! I get to participate in a conference call tomorrow morning with Suze Orman! I can ask questions over the phone or send them out on Twitter. I have lots of questions about starting a business and the tax implications of working from home. If there's anything you'd like advice on, let me know and I'll submit them to the panel. There are several people participating so I'll do my best to get your questions in!

Review: Live SpeakR for iPhone and iPod Touch

I've never considered myself much of a gadget freak. Now that I've been blogging for awhile, I realize how many cool things I've missed out on. Being able to review a product is a fun privilege and perk of blogging, and when the product is from a local company that makes it even better. The more involved I get in social media within my community I realize we've got a lot of great companies in San Diego with some amazing innovation and creativity.

Erik and Rob have definitely demonstrated those traits with Live SpeakR. The portability alone makes it far superior to any of the other docking speaker systems I researched. The sound is great as long as you use a good quality MP3. I have two songs in my library that I didn't know I need to replace until I heard the fluctuations on the Live SpeakR. Watch the video for a demo of how to use the system and to hear the sound quality (and a minor guest appearance at the end by my husband).



Right now, the system only comes in black but I know a white version is in the works. I'd like to see brushed stainless and the option to customize them with a skin. I definitely can see using the speakers later this year during the breast cancer walk. A lot of walkers strap small speakers to their backpacks and fanny packs and play really upbeat music.

I would buy a pink skin if some of the proceeds went to breast cancer research (or red for HIV/AIDS research, purple for March of Dimes, etc. etc). Erik and Rob also told me they are maybe, possibly, hopefully going to develop a version for those of you with that other type of phone (rhymes with Blackberry).

I want to say a huge thanks to Erik and Rob for waiting so patiently for me to get this up. Also, if you follow HARO and Peter Shankman on Twitter (@skydiver), he is having a massive 12-hour 1 Year Anniversary Twitter giveaway today. One prize every eight minutes until 6:30 tonight and the Live SpeakR system is one of the prizes.*

(They gave it away at 12:30pm CA time. The timing of my review was a total happy coincidence!)

Tony Hawk Proved That I Really Need A Blackberry

When I woke up this morning I didn't have much to look forward to besides a possible trip to the laundromat and Costco. Then, around 9:30, I saw a Tweet from Cameron (greengoody) that Tony Hawk hid a skateboard behind a fire hydrant for his local followers to find.

I clicked over to his profile and read that the board was on a street very close to my house. I jumped out of my chair, left my breakfast and chai latte and literally ran out of my slippers in my haste to get up the stairs.

Like any good blogger, I grabbed my camera and my Flip and hopped in the car thinking how stoked Drama Kid would be when he got home from school today.

Naturally, I caught every. single. light on the way there! I turned onto the street right behind two other guys. The look on their faces was priceless. I'm not sure they turned their car off. It jerked to a stop, both doors flew open and the younger guy went thrashing through the bushes just in case case Mr. Hawk decided to be sneaky. The older guy was on his cell asking if anyone Tweeted that it had been found. We both laughed that we weren't able to keep up on what was happening because neither of us were connected to the web.

(I will always think, "what if" whenever I pass this hydrant.)

I'm not sure how far behind the winner I was, but I know I wasn't the only one who got a late start. A few other locals sent out Tweets that they had just missed it too. So, thank you Mr. Hawk for bringing a little excitement into my morning.

And for any business or company that has yet to see the benefits of social media, Tony Hawk proved today that there are creative ways to market yourself that are engaging, low-cost and beneficial to your customers.