And Then He Could Fly

Monday, April 5, 2010

It's hard watching Tyler struggle with self confidence and being brave. On the one hand, he's recently asked me to help him become famous. On the other, he gets stage fright sometimes. He loves roller coasters but doesn't want to try the "big kid" ramp at the skate park. 

We try to be encouraging without patting him on the back for every little thing he does. The "everybody gets a star" mentality has ruined kids' abilities to take constructive criticism and have pride in their own accomplishments. But, it's hard not to give in occasionally when I see Tyler falter. 

I babysat last week and had 4 kids at the house. It didn't rain after all (thank you Jesus!) so I made them go outside. The kids had scooters and I moved my car so they could roll down the driveway. The other little boy, "Joe," is younger than Tyler, shorter and seems to be naturally athletic. He's been taking skateboard lessons locally and can do tricks Tyler hasn't learned yet. "Joe" suggested they use the driveway as a ramp and then jump off the curb. He went down over and over, catching pretty good air and landing without ending up on the ground. 

Tyler started to go several times but backed out at the last minute saying he was going too fast. "Joe" was trying to be encouraging, showing Tyler how to do it and where to jump. Tyler took it as criticism and I could see the beginnings of a sulk. I debated with myself as to whether I should step in and be encouraging or if I'd make it worse. Tyler went inside and I followed. He saw me and then came the beginnings of tears. 

"Talk to me, what's wrong?"

"He's making fun of me because I can't do the jump."

"No, he's trying to be helpful, I think you're just taking it the wrong way."

I reminded him that "Joe" started skateboarding before Tyler and that he's a full head taller than "Joe", which means he's heavier and has a different center of gravity.

"You may not be able to do it his way, but you can figure out your own way."

That seemed to help and Tyler went back outside. They abandoned the driveway for awhile and raced up and down the street instead. We had lunch and I sent them back out (we'd already had one nearly broken picture frame, a Darth Vader helmet to the nose and wood floors vs. sock feet; they were too amped to be inside!).

I had a feeling Tyler would want to try the jump again. And I was right. It took him a few tries, but he did it. And then it was like he'd known how to do it all along.

"Did you see that mom?! I totally nailed it! This is SO much fun!"


I guess my pep talk worked after all. Perhaps a little too well?

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