Tyler is spending a week at my mom's house again this year. We were talking about it before he left and he could tell by my voice that I was sad.

"Why are you sad?"

"Because I'll miss you."

"We can always Skype."

(laughing) "You know what, you're right. Remind me to fix the Skype and Facetime on Grammy's phone while we're up there."

"I'll have to help her. You know she's not good with technology. Oh! But, don't tell her I said that!"

Questions Kids Ask

This morning Tyler asked me, "Mom, is Zoe a mammal?" I wasn't even out of bed yet, let alone fueled with my first cup of coffee. I had to reach way back and try to remember the technical definition of a mammal before I could respond. 

Our Fur Baby

Of course, after I dropped him off at school I turned to Google to make sure I'd given him the right answer. 

What out of the blue questions have you gotten lately?

Thanks for the Warning

Happy Mother's Day to me?

Tyler: "Mom, I'm sorry."

Me: "What for?"

Tyler: "When I was coloring your Mother's Day card at school, I messed up."

Me: "I'm sure it will be fine."

Tyler: "I don't know how to draw faces. I accidentally gave you a beak."

Me: "Oh, well, uh, thank you for trying."

Tyler: "I'm sorry I drew you ugly."

Me: "That's OK."

So now, in addition to Phil being out of town for two weeks and the 7am hockey game on Mother's Day, the only card I'll be getting is a portrait of me with a beak. 

The joys of motherhood. :D

So, So Smooth

Scene: It is day four of Spring Break. The mother has been feeling guilty for trying to stay on top of her work and be entertainment central at the same time. She gives up on the work and takes her son to the park where she gets rained on and freezes her ass off for two hours, despite the blanket and gloves she had in the car.

Son: I love you, Mom.

Mother: I love you too.

S: Thank you for taking me to the park today.

M: You're welcome.

S: Tomorrow, we can do anything you want.

M: Aww, that's sweet of you.

S: We can even go shopping, and I won't complain because you were nice enough to give up some of your precious time for me. 

End scene.

I honestly don't know where he gets it!

Well Played Kid!

Tyler and Phil rough house with each other at least once a day. Tonight, they were play fighting when I walked into the room. Tyler turned to look at me and Phil popped him one.

DS: "Hey, that's not fair!"

DH: "You weren't looking, how is that not fair?"

DS: "Mom distracted me!"

DH: "So, now it's mom fault?"

DS: "Yeah, because she distracted me with her beauty!"

All together now: awwwwwww.

Childproof - Until They Can Read

photo © 2010 anna | more info (via: Wylio)

From the 'funny things my kid says' files: 

Tyler just got over bronchitis. When he started his medicine I reminded him that he's not allowed to take it by himself. One night at bedtime he offered to open the cough syrup for me. I let him try knowing he wouldn't be able to. He asked why the top was just spinning and I explained what child proofing is and why it's used with medicine. 

A few nights later I told him to get ready for bed and that I'd be down shortly to give him his medicine before he brushed his teeth. When I got downstairs I saw him put the bottle down really quickly and he had that guilty 'I just did something' look on his face.

Tyler: Mom, can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure.

Tyler: If the people who make medicine don't want kids to be able to open the bottles, why do they print the instruction on the top of the lid? 

Me: That's an excellent question. You figured out how to open this, didn't you?

Tyler: [looking sheepish] Yes. [then excited] Wanna see me?

I had to laugh.

When I Was Your Age

Tyler: "Dad, did Webkinz exist when when you were a kid?"

Phil: "No. The internet didn't exist when I was a kid."

Tyler: [in a sad voice] "Oh. Sorry you lived in a time when technology wasn't so good."

At Least I Can Laugh About It

World of Color premiere, Disneyland, June 2010

Scene: Mother and son are in the car after a trip to Payless, where, once again, they disagreed on what shoes the son should buy.

Mother: "I'm only trying to help you. I know a little bit about shoes. I'm trying to give you the benefit of my since I'm a little older than you and I've.."

Son: "A little?! I'm only 7. You're way older than me."

Mother: [laughing] "I don't if I would say 'way'. How about 'a little'?"

Son: "No, you're way older."

Ouch.

From the Cute Things My Kid Says Files: Never Have, Never Will

Scene: The family decides to relax in the neighborhood jacuzzi before dinner. The son, who had been splashing in the pool, is told to come into the jacuzzi if he'd like to warm up before the walk home. The son, who is 7 going on 17, has of late perfected eye rolling, sarcasm and the ability to convey to his parents he feels they know absolutely nothing at all with just one word. Son get in the jacuzzi and makes the following announcement.

Son: I had to partner with K again at school today. She's so annoying.

Mother: What did you have to partner up for?

Son: Some math thing.

Father: Why do you say she's annoying?

Son: She just is.

[Mother and Father exchange a look, complete with raised eyebrows]

Father: Is K cute?

Son: [looks horror stricken] Nooo-wuh! 

(Translation: Whatever. It's like you don't even know me! And? You're old.)

Mother: Well, who do you think is cute at school?

Son: I don't think anyone is cute. Never have, never will.

[Mother breathes a sigh of relief]

Scene

*That's not K in the picture. It's actually Deb's daughter.

Maybe You Need to Ask Different Questions

Overheard: [Tyler to his friend J] "My mom would probably say no. No, no, no, no. That's all parents seem to say sometimes."

Tyler: [to me] "No offense, Mom."

None taken, little guy. None taken.

Geek References Are Above His Head (For Now)

Scene: It's early evening, just after dinner. Tyler comes in from playing outside. He sits down on the couch next to Phil.

Tyler: "Daddy, can I ask you a question?"

Phil: "42."

T: "What?"

P: "The answer to your question. It's 42."

T: (confused) "My question wasn't about how old you are."

[Mommy, sitting at the kitchen table, can barely contain herself and has to work hard to stifle her laughter]

P: (to Mommy) "You can wipe that smirk off your face."

I love my kid!

Overheard: Tyler Explains Being Biracial

"My mommy is brown and my dad is white.

They mixed together and made my color."

Smartass

Scene: The family decides to take a late afternoon visit to the pool. The mother, who prefers to jacuzzi, notices an unusually high amount of debris floating on the surface. Father and son dive into the pool. Mother grabs the pool skimmer-cleaning thingy.

Son: "What is Mommy doing?"

Father: "She's cleaning the leaves and stuff out of the jacuzzi."

Son: "Why?"

Father: "Mommy works here now."

Son: "Yay! Mommy found a new job!"

At Least He Was Honest

Phil: "Tyler, are you ready to go yet?"

Tyler: "No."

Phil: "We're waiting on you. Why aren't you ready"

Tyler: "Because I was messing around."

Well okay then.

Overheard at Grammy's House

Drama Kid: "Grammy, can you catch one of the rabbits [in your yard] for me?"

Grammy: "No, I think they're too fast for me."

DK: " Well, you can sneak up on them."

Grammy: "I think they'll still smell me coming."



DK: "Why don't you just take a shower first?"