X's and Y's

Friday, May 29, 2009

I haven't talked here about having another baby too often, but it's been a topic of conversation for a few years. Whenever Phil and I have talk about it, the discussion disintegrated into a mini argument. We'd go around in circles not really getting anywhere. The baby talk has brought up a lot of issues. Some are things that have always been speed bumps in our marriage that flare up every few years but there have also been a few new things that have developed since I've started getting serious about the blog.

It's been frustrating for both us of not being on the same page.
In the end I think we both raised the white flag and agreed to permanently disagree. Phil got a vasectomy three weeks ago. I called Deb the morning of the surgery and tried not to cry. Since then I've had good days and bad. I mentally go over the pros and cons and Phil and I still talk about the "what if's" and the "maybe's."

I don't know if this was the right decision for us and I may never know. I know we needed to get out of the limbo we've been in. This has been hanging over our heads since we bought our house (probably before). It's hard to be present in and love the life you do have when you're constantly wondering about the life you could have.


  1. Tell me about it. I spend much of my time wanting the life I could have and not enjoying the moment.

  2. Oh boy, I'm sorry. Sorry because I know how hard of a decision it can be, and you know what, I don't think you'll ever know what the right answer is. Well, basically, you know, but will you ever be totally happy with your decision? Maybe. Maybe in a week, or maybe in a year. I'm wanting a 3rd child but my husband is 100% NO. Like might as well give up hope. Every time I see newborn I totally crave another child! I feel complete in many ways, though, so maybe as moms and as women we'll just always crave a little bit having another baby because it's so the biggest part of our lives? But at the end of the day we should be thankful and count our blessings for what we do have, you know?

  3. You know, it's a hard choice to make either way. I thank you for sharing your story with us. I go thru my own back and forth as a single mom since the original plan of family with two kids isn't the reality. I guess there are no easy answers either way. Chin up lady!

  4. My husband is heading for the snip as soon as our second baby arrives. I would LOVE more kids, but he only wants two. So two it will be. And in a way I guess I'm glad he'll be doing it (I won't have to worry about BC anymore!!), because it will free me up, as you said, to enjoy the life we have now. Regardless, it's still a sad transition to have the choice taken away.

  5. mel, i'm sorry about this... my husband and i were just talking this weekend about whether or not he should do the snipsnip. we have two kids and i can't imagine having a 3rd, but i still question...

    the grass is always greener. trying to be happy with life as you're living it in the moment is the hardest thing. true happiness is subjective - it means something different to each of us.

    i just want to let you know that i understand what you're going through. in every aspect. :)

  6. Your last sentence makes me want to cry, but it's so true.

    I wish you peace, together. <3

  7. Mel- I can totally understand. We only have 1 child and I had to "shake the sugar tree" for that one! I got my tubes tied 4 years later after having a miscarriage and I was only 29. I was told by my dr's not to get pregnant because I am on chemo pill form, and will be for awhile--possibly the rest of my life. I resent the fact that we could have started a family earlier and that a part of me always thinks my hubby got what he truly wanted in the end while I have this devastating disease and now grief from becoming sterile to deal with. I get tired of people telling us we can adopt, my husband and I don't have the time or money to do that and once you're sick, they classify you differently for that. Anyways, I'm so sorry and I wish I could hug you! I truly know how heartbreaking it is and I always wonder "what if". Also, it's not any easier knowing you can't have more children because you have a god awful disease either.


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