I lost two subscribers recently and it's been bugging the crap out of me, wondering what on earth I could have possibly said. The subscribers I lost came just after I posted about how hard the mornings can be getting Tyler to school and that sometimes he pushes my buttons so much he's thisclose to getting a spanking. I would be lying if I said that losing subscribers after I posted something so personal and 'real' doesn't sting a little. Maybe that's not why they left. Maybe I'm just getting really boring.

It's made me wonder though just how much of myself I can reveal here. The "real me" hasn't made too many appearances on this blog. I'm not really sure why. I'm not controversial on here even though I've got an opinion on everything. I've never dropped the F bomb here even though I do in real life because sometimes it's the perfect thing to say.

There's been a lot going on lately that it would be nice to air out, and get my thoughts and feelings in order. Some of it is still too raw to talk about, some of it I may never get to since it's about my marriage. I won't invade my husband's privacy. Knowing how many people say they like to read about the good and the bad, then losing two people after I share some of the bad gives me pause.

I've said before this blog is a work in progress. Hopefully I'll always feel that way because it means I'm continuing to learn and grow. If I ever get complacent that will be a sign that maybe it's time to walk away.. I left this comment on Angie's blog recently:

"Delurking to say I think everyone's blog goes through some sort of evolution. Our sites are what we need them to be, when we need them to be it. You can really tell who your friends are by the ones who stick with you through all the stages."

I guess I just want to say thanks to everyone who's stuck with me so far, and thanks to those who decide to stay should anymore of the "real me" decide to make a visit.

Wordless Wednesday: Prince and Princess

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 Minutes for Mom, Mom Dot, What's That Smell

National Mom's Nite Out: Thank You Just Isn't Enough

When I was young, my mom drilled into me the importance of saying 'thank you' and writing a note to someone who has given a gift or done something really nice for you. Those two words are so small, and often not adequate which is definitely true when it comes to our Mom's Nite Out party last week.

I had a speech prepared to thank everyone for attending, to thank Megan and Ingrid for the great location and Lizzie from Bailey Gardiner for putting us all in touch, and to thank Deb and Charity for their awesomeness and for still being friends with me after experiencing first hand the anal compulsive, over bearing control freak that I am.

And I completely forgot to give said speech. I remembered at the end of the night when the room was empty and we were cleaning up. I felt like such a heel. Still do. So, to all those involved in making our party so fabulous, please humbly accept those two small words and know that they have big, BIG feeling behind them.

Megan from Seaport Village
Ingrid from Buster's Beach House and Longboard Bar
Lizzie from Bailey Gardiner
Maria and everyone at BSM Media
Kathy Ireland Worldwide
Chelsea at Pat and Oscar's
Jeff at Cosmic Frogs Photography
Joan at Laughing Rhino
Sydney at Dropps
ProFlowers
Shari's Berries
One Step Ahead
Ashley at Tunix
Meri at Avon
Build A Bear
Kevin at KanYo Fuse
Sheryl at TableTopics
Paula at Rae Florae
Ciaran at Francie Pants
Liz at The Cookie Chew
Laura at VPG Printing
Bella d'Ora Spa
Kin Spa at the Manchester Grand Hyatt
Big Honcho Media
Candice at Bid My Cleaning
Karen at Captain Cooks
Sugar Jones at Sugar Snaps Photography
PakNaks
Tilty
Snaptotes
Hornblower
Shandles
Hands 2 Go
The Simple Stencil
Little Debbie

Tired

National Mom's Night Out was fun! But I'm glad it's over. The night went off with only a few minor hiccups (mostly that I was still in the bathroom getting ready when our guests started arriving). Megan at Seaport Village, Lizzie at Bailey Gardiner and Ingrid at Buster's; you are angels on earth. You all went above and beyond and exceeded our expectations. Many heartfelt thank you's to you.

There are many, many more people to thank. And I will thank them all after I take a long nap. ZZZzzzzzzzzz

May the (Shopping) Force Be With You

Looking back, it probably wasn't a coincidence that I chose the dollar store right next to Marshalls to buy the gift bags for my National Mom's Night Out party tonight. I've had such good luck at that store finding something to wear at the last minute and not spending a fortune.

I went in looking for something to wear with my brown gladiator stilettos and trouser jeans. Nothing jumped out at me and I was about to give up and *gasp* wear something I already had.

Well, the Shopping Gods must have heard my pleas because they turned their benevolent eyes upon me and led me to this:


It's hard to tell but the ruffled cap sleeves and tiny lavender buttons are SO cute! It has my favorite color, purple, and teal, taupe and cream. For $19.99 all thoughts of brown disappeared PDQ. Of course, then I did a mental slide show of all the shoes in my closet. I set aside two pair of lavender heels to try on and headed for the dressing room.

I was chatting with mom (who will be leaving tomorrow for a 4-day Mexican cruise, $89 per person!!!!) and the Shopping Gods were feeling extra generous because they had me wander past these


And I'm in love! I said to my mom, "OK, try to talk me out of spending any more money," and she said, "that's not my job anymore, and by the way, I need your address to mail your Mother's Day card" which I took to mean, "I'll slip a little something in it," and put the shoes in my cart. There's nothing quite like a shopping high. I'll take it over sex and chocolate (almost) any day.

(Follow @momsniteout tonight on Twitter for all the parties. I believe there are over a thousand!)
This post is sponsored by Marshalls who are providing my clothing for BlogHer.

Wordless Wednesday: Pinkberry! (Lives Up to the Hype)

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 Minutes for Mom, Mom Dot, What's That Smell

What Mother's Day Means for Me, With Flowers!

This post should have been up yesterday but my flowers died and Tyler was stung by a bee. But I should back up a bit. I have a relationship with a new PR company. They offered to send me fresh flowers, my favorite Gerber daisies, to use in a post about Mother's Day. I've been wracking my brain trying to tie flowers and what being a mom means to me together in a way that didn't sound trite or cliched. The events of yesterday afternoon spoke for themselves and kind of wrote the story for me.

I'm not crafty so the thought of arranging the flowers myself, especially into something picture worthy that wouldn't embarrass the sponsor was a little scary. I love having fresh flowers but I generally leave the arranging to the pros. I've never made a topiary out of anything, let alone flowers. But, I try to be open to new experiences. There's always something to learn and the feeling of accomplishment that goes along with mastering a new skill is so, so sweet.


I kept my flowers in a vase with the protective straws on the stems until I was ready to start my post. If you're not familiar with Gerber daisies the flower heads are really heavy. The stems can get limp and droopy long before the bloom is gone and the heads hang like they lost the Little League title by one run and it looks so sad.

So, I kept the plastic straws on the stems to support the heads so that my arrangement would look fresh. But, when I took the straws off to start creating my topiary the stems had mildewed and collapsed but I couldn't see that through the green straw. I was crushed. I thought I was being careful and doing the right thing. But sometimes, decisions we make that seem right at the time don't turn out the way we planned.


I had to take a moment to regroup and come up with a Plan B on the fly. I decided I had to get new flowers so that I could honor my commitment. After I picked him up from school, Tyler and I went to a wholesaler near us and I bought two bunches of beautiful orange Gerbers and white mini Carnations. When we got home I started snipping and bunching, hoping the topiary would turn out at least sphere-like. And it didn't, so I tried again. And again. And again.


It took me more than hour to put the arrangement together. Mostly because I'm anal but also to prove to myself that I could do it. Putting together a flower arrangement isn't on par with cooking a five course gourmet meal for eight but I really, really wanted it to turn out well. Having the topiary on my kitchen table would be a visual reminder that I do manage to get the all encompassing "it" right, at least some of the time.

As I was finishing up and trying to find good light for pictures, Tyler, who was outside playing tether ball, started to cry. Then he started to scream. He ran inside holding his hand and his eyes were huge. "It hurts! It hurts! Ow, ow, owwwww!" I tried to get him to show me where he was hurt but he ran from me, to the bathroom, back to me and to the bathroom again in a complete panic. I've never seen him like that before. "It hurts worser now! Ow, OWWWWW!"

I thought he might have gotten a bad splinter from the wooden base of his tether ball set but he wouldn't let me get a good look. Phil brought the tweezers and antibiotic into the bathroom, but Tyler had already stuck his hand under the faucet. What I saw could have been a splinter, but judging by the pain he was in, the redness and swelling, it had to be a sting. It was his first, and Phil is allergic to stings so we kept a close eye on him for awhile, just in case.


Seeing Tyler like that, hurt and terrified, scared me a little. He's my heart and soul. Keeping him safe is my job. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we won't always be able to keep our kids out of harm's way. But, we can do our best to kiss it and make it all better, and hope that it actually will.

For me, being a mom has changed me in so many ways. It's been a journey to say the least. I've had to step out of my comfort zone into unfamiliar territory many times, making decisions as I go and hoping they are the right ones and trying not to beat myself up too badly when it turns out I was wrong.


I've had to learn how to handle the energy of a fearless, curious little boy. I've tapped into patience levels I didn't know I had. I've had to think on my feet and change directions many times. I've had to admit when I didn't know the answers.

I've come to realize I need external validation more than I'd like to admit, especially now that I'm a stay at home mom. I understand now that deep, fierce need to protect that is only words until you have a child of your own. Being a mom is hard at times. But it's so worth it. And when my little flower smiles and tells me I'm the best mommy in the world, I know that all my time, effort and patience are working and I'm getting "it" right.