A Conversation With My Younger Self

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I came across a photo of myself from my college days. On a trip to Hawaii for a Journalism conference, my fellow writers dared me to enter a bikini contest at a bar in Oahu, so I did (!!!!!).

The photo I found is of me, in the red stripper suit I wore in the contest.

Looking at the picture, particularly at my pre-baby body, I thought, “why didn’t I appreciate that girl more?”

If I could go back in time and speak to that girl in the minuscule scrap of fabric bikini, first I’d say, “Damn girl, you look good!” and give her a catcall and a whistle or two.

Then, I’d say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not eating better. I’m sorry for drinking until you puked. Staying up all night when you needed sleep. Going to work or school when you were sick and needed rest.

For thinking that walking all over campus was enough exercise. For the brief time I smoked. For not wearing the glasses, not using sunscreen and the one time I had unprotected sex.

But mostly, I’m sorry I didn’t have more confidence and a better self image. Why did I spend so much time shaking my fist at your thighs and bemoaning your butt?

I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror back then, but looking at you now, with my stretch marks and mini muffin top, I’d give anything to have you back.

You with your tiny waist, flat stomach, curves in the right places and the girls up nice and high. That body was beautiful. That body was sexy. And I feel so badly for thinking it wasn't.

Please forgive me. And for the love of all that is holy PLEASE COME BACK!

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  1. So, so true (at least for me, too).

    Btw, do you think your neighbor's "Bean" has made a difference in her abs--are they flatter?

  2. I can't really tell. She's a little heavy so it's nothing I would notice. I remember when she got it, she was really excited and later offered it to me to borrow. I declined (no where to put it), but she seems happy with it.


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