Feelin' Sorry for Myself

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Sunscreen. Check. Towel, sunglasses and hat. Check. Water, snacks, and book. Check, check. I need to take a lot of stuff with me because I'm going to be at The Pity Pool for awhile and it's good to be prepared.

Being on holiday has been really great. I've spent more time with my family, re-connected a little with DH, and am managing the house so much better than I ever have before. Most days I wake up feelin' pretty good.

Today was not one of those days.

I'm coming up on the end of my unemployment and have no real job prospects and I see panic on the horizon. I try to stay in the moment and focus on today. I really do. For instance:

Today I have a roof over my head (bonus points because we own it).

Today there is food in the fridge.

Today I have gas in my car.

Today we are happy and healthy.

I know that should be enough. In my heart I know it, and I believe it. But, every so often I can't help but think about tomorrow:

Tomorrow my car will still need to go to the shop.

Tomorrow I will still need about $8,000 worth of dental work (not a typo).

Tomorrow my CAT will still need about $900 worth of dental work (that's not either).

I have already eaten humble pie and applied to places I never saw myself working and let me tell you that was hard. At this point I need to eat a little more and consider going back to retail.

I can feel you sending me "who does she think she is?!" vibes. Untwist your knickers and let me explain. I'm almost 35 years old. I've been working since I was 15. Having to walk into a place behind Kaylee the Junior who just needs a summer job knowing I'd be the same age as somebody's mom feels pretty sh*#ty. I'm not saying I'm above retail or admin, but I have this been there, done that feeling that I can't shake.

Plus, any job in that industry will want me on weekends. I took corporate, office jobs precisely so I could have my weekends and holidays without having to request them off before anyone else.

AND, if I don't get my ideal schedule, once DS gets out of school, I'll have to pay full-day camp fees so I can work my Noon-6:00 shift. I don't know what minimum wage is these days but I highly doubt it's enough to cover camp and leave me with enough to feel like I'm actually contributing to our financial situation.

AND not having a corporate type gig puts me far behind in the retirement savings and the "extra" healthcare I'd have.

And forget about having another baby! (I know I said I'd talk about this but I'm still not ready yet, sorry).

Does all that make sense? I should be going forward in my career, not looking for another job.

I was so bummed about it I actually composed a letter to all the people who haven't hired me. What's that? You want to read it? Good thing I didn't run it through the shredder yet (Yep, it's handwritten. When I put pen to paper it's serious).

An Open Letter to Hiring Managers

Hello. My name is One La Costa Mom. I'm a 34 year-old wife and mother living in North County. I've been looking for a new job since November 2007 after I was part of a round of layoffs. I realize the current state of our economy has led to a tougher than usual job market, but quite frankly, my continued unemployment is baffling.

I've been working since I was 15. My experience in retail, sales, customer service, admin, media, restaurants and my most recent in Marketing for an award winning company makes me more than qualified to do the job posted on AnySite.com.

I'm also fluent in JobSpeak. You are looking for a multitasker. I know that means I'd often have to pick up someone else's slack. And I'm OK with that. You want a team player. I get it. Any ideas I share with you are yours to present to upper management. Fast paced work environment you say? I thrive under unrealistic deadlines.

I am a great candidate. Sure, you can hire the recent grad and offer an even lower salary because of lack of experience, but you get what you pay for. The fact that I'm a mom is my greatest asset. Yes, I will need to leave if my child gets sick. I won't be able to stay late on T Ball days. But, you'll never have to write me up for repeatedly checking my My Space page on company time. My vacations and sick days won't just happen to coincide with every event in the Gaslamp, Spring Break or fight with my boyfriend.

By not hiring me, or any at home mom looking to re-enter the workplace, you're overlooking one of the most highly skilled, competent, talented and creative groups in labor force. Go to almost any popular Mom Blog and you'll see what I mean.

If you will treat me well and help me provide for my family, my loyalty and over-the-top work ethic are yours. Offer me flextime or telecommuting and you'll never have to fill this position again.

One La Costa Mom

add to kirtsy


  1. Awwww honey, I just want to give you a big cyber hug and tell you that everything WILL be ok. It will.

    I understand that the job market is tough right now. I'm sure you have worked all of the numbers and figured out what it costs to have you work. The right opportunity, the one that deserves your time and your commitment, is out there. I firmly believe that I can go make money for any company. My time is my most valuable resource and I only want to spend it in places that deserve me. I know that sounds snotty, but it is true.

    I wish you lots of luck as you continue your search. Have you considered a head hunter?

  2. I feel your anguish! I hope things get better for you and your family. I'm throwing a prayer your way! You have the right perspective though - you do have a family, a roof over your head, and love. They're not enough all the the time, but it's something to be thankful for.

  3. Thank you Grace. My Grandmother is a big believer in God closing a door but opening a window. I guess mine is still a little stuck from the wet weather we're having here! ;^)


Thank you for visiting and letting me know your thoughts!

copyright melanie sheridan 2009 template design by Studio Mommy (© copyright 2015)