I want to write a letter to Tyler's school but I want your opinion in case I'm making mountains out of molehills.

Tyler has been going to his school since kindergarten. On our first back to school night, his kindergarten teacher told us the school has a policy against sending junk food and candy in lunches. We were also not to send in sweets to celebrate birthdays. His teacher this year reiterated the point saying the school has really cracked down on the birthday treats and asked that if we want to celebrate we send in pencils or some other trinket.

This is an excerpt from the school's Policy and Procedures section on their website:

Students may eat a snack at the beginning of their morning recess and we encourage some type of healthy food, rather than what we refer to as “extra” foods, such as chips and cookies.

In accordance with this policy, we do not celebrate birthdays in classrooms with candy, cakes, cupcakes and sodas. Food and drinks are allowed at other celebration events, however they must follow the [school district] Food and Beverage Guidelines.

I haven't had a problem with either of these policies. I agree with both ad have tried to uphold them . I keep Tyler's lunch relatively junk free. I don't pick out the chocolate pieces in the trail mix and I have sent in Nilla Wafers or Teddy Grahams. I've never sent anything in for his birthday, trinket or otherwise. But, hearing the teacher strongly emphasize the point again at the same time the school brought back Popsicle Friday kinda pissed me off.

We parents can't send anything "extra" to school in an effort to keep the kids healthy, but the PTO can sell popsicles in front of the school every week? And don't even get me started on the crap the PTO allows at the Friday Assembly coffee cart.

I call Bullshit.  

It's not that I want to see Doritos and candy on school grounds every day. I'd also rather the kids get one small cookie or cupcake on a birthday rather than have any more of the Party City junk continue to clutter up Tyler's room (though I do realize multiplying one cookie by 30+ birthdays can easily equal sugar overload).

But, if the school is going to create a written policy asking me not to send in sweets, why should their on campus fund raising be exempt? Two weeks ago I bought a popsicle for Tyler just to see if at least they were selling sugar free ones. Maybe some were but not the kind I bought*.

I don't want to be the buzzkill who put an end to fun on campus but it feels like a blatant double standard. So, am I making too much of this? Should I let it go or send a note to the principal? 

What issues have prompted you to write a letter to your child's school?

*My frustration could also be over Popsicle Friday itself. I think Tyler has only had two because I always say no. I look like the ass who won't let her kid have any treats, which I'm OK with. But I've caught him sneaking money to school and that bothers me. I know I said I'd let up and be more of a yes mom, but I just don't think he needs the 'extra' sugar. There's plenty in his juice boxes, granola bars, fruit leather, peanut butter/jelly etc. etc.

Waste Not, Want Not

Tyler eats a lot. I mean A LOT. It bother's me that school has a morning snack, lunch soon after and that's all. I really think kids need an afternoon snack too, but that's another post. Anyway, because Tyler would be starving by the time I got through the pick up line, I started packing giant lunches. This way, he'd have enough for snack and lunch with a little left for after school while he waits for me to get through the pick up line. 

The system was working fine until around the middle of the school year when Tyler started getting wasteful. I'd go through his backpack and all the 'side' items would be gone but his sandwich, GoGurt or fruit would be leftover. I also found out he'd sometimes buy lunch and not eat any of the things I packed. So then we had to have a talk.

I told him we couldn't waste food. He needed to eat the things I sent him to school with, especially the things that would spoil. We went round and round and I got so fed up I even took money from his wallet one day telling him he owed me for the groceries he wasted. I know. But rational is not my strong suit when I'm trying to make a point. 

We got through the rest of the school year with no more problems. I didn't think we needed to have a refresher for this school year but I was wrong. Twice last week I had to throw away sandwiches and yogurt. I reminded him of last year and said again that we shouldn't waste food. He apologized and said he wouldn't do it anymore. Friday I opened the fridge and I saw this:

I think this time he got the point. 

I Will: Be More of a Yes Mom

Tyler and I were at Henry's a few weeks ago getting supplies for dinner. He asked if I would buy a pack of mini blueberry muffins. I said no, we have mix at home, we can make them. His response stayed with me. It wasn't what he said, "you always say that," it was how he said it. He sounded so resigned and a little defeated. Then I lost my Mom of the Year hat because I totally turned it around on him. "Well, you can always offer to help me make them." 

Why did I say that?! It was a knee jerk reactionary and passive aggressive statement. It's not like he was accusing me of being a horrible mom in the middle of the grocery store (though that must be how I took it since I basically blamed him for the lack of fresh baked goods in our house). I felt horrible after I said it. Who blames the 7-year old for not offering to bake?

I thought about what he said for the rest of the day. He's totally right. I do always say we can make muffins but rarely follow through. It's just muffins. And not even homemade ones.* Why is it so hard for me to give him something so simple? I resolved to be a different mom for the rest of the summer. I posted on Facebook that I was going to be "more of a Yes Mom." Since I posted I think I've done OK.

We spent last week at the beach with Phil's family. I smelled like campfire smoke every day and brought half the beach home with us, but Tyler had a blast. Between the junk food, S'mores and candy he had more crap in a week than he's had in a month (probably longer).

Between Phil and I, Tyler has been to the park (many times), Disneyland, the zoo, three camps, our neighborhood pool (a LOT), the library and the book store (that's my boy!). There's been more TV, computer and Wii time and staying-up -until-11:30 reading time than I normally allow. I think we've given him a good summer. 

At the end of the day, when Tyler gets older he won't remember the exact things we've done for him, or the quantity of things we did. He will remember that we were there. When he looks back on the times he said, "today was the best day of my life!" we'll be woven into those memories. I don't want any of his best days tarnished by all the times we said 'no' to one of his requests.

When we got pregnant, we talked about not giving in, not letting our child control the house and drawing the line being being occasionally indulgent and spoiling. I think we've gotten so caught up in keeping Tyler grounded that we forget to let him have fun. 

Santee, Ca July 2010

I'm going to try harder to find the balance between giving him every little thing he asks for and keeping reasonable limits. I will continue to make him "earn" his treats but slip him a piece of candy once in awhile. I will bring a little more fun into our time together. I will make more muffins.

*I add a little vanilla and fresh berries to the mix so they could totally pass for homemade.

When I Was Your Age

Tyler: "Dad, did Webkinz exist when when you were a kid?"

Phil: "No. The internet didn't exist when I was a kid."

Tyler: [in a sad voice] "Oh. Sorry you lived in a time when technology wasn't so good."

Can You Stand It?!: Wordless Wednesday

May 2010

(taken with a Canon speedlight and a 28-135mm lens)

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I tell Tyler that he has Fred Flinstone feet because his toes are almost completely straight across. I think it's adorable and I'll be sad when he outgrows it.

Surf lesson at Tamarack, May 2010

This past weekend we went to the jacuzzi. As we were drying off to head home, he reached out one foot and nudged my flip flop until it was horizontal and easier for me to put on. It was such a small gesture, but so thoughtful and sweet. My heart exploded into a million little pieces.

Love those toes.

At Least I Can Laugh About It

World of Color premiere, Disneyland, June 2010

Scene: Mother and son are in the car after a trip to Payless, where, once again, they disagreed on what shoes the son should buy.

Mother: "I'm only trying to help you. I know a little bit about shoes. I'm trying to give you the benefit of my since I'm a little older than you and I've.."

Son: "A little?! I'm only 7. You're way older than me."

Mother: [laughing] "I don't if I would say 'way'. How about 'a little'?"

Son: "No, you're way older."

Ouch.

Review: Sonicare for Kids Rechargeable Toothbrush

*Update 9/3/10 I've added a few more places to buy the brush and replacement heads along with coupon and deals info at the bottom of the post.

Sonicare has come out with a line of toothbrushes specifically for kids. We got it for Tyler to help with the morning and nighttime battles over getting him to brush his teeth at all, let alone thoroughly and for the required two minutes. Tyler was using our old Sonicare but he likes this better. He said the Sonicare for Kids is not as rough on his gums as the adult brush and the bristles are "less prickly."

Here are the things I like:

*The escalating tone the brush makes. When it's time to switch to another area of the mouth, the toothbrush beeps. The beeps get louder as the 2-minute countdown gets closer to the end. I can hear the beeps from upstairs so I know that Tyler is brushing and I know he's brushing the full two minutes because of the tones.

*The smaller brush head. I didn't think having an adult sized head would be a problem, but it makes sense since he doesn't have an adult sized mouth.

*The base is easy to clean. There are three pegs on the base, one for the toohbrush handle and two for the heads. The shape of the base is easy to wipe off, much easier than the adult Sonicare we have.

What I don't like:

*The cost of the replacement brush heads. They're not cheap at $22 for four. If you have a larger family the yearly costs will add up. But, I've used coupons from the Sunday paper for our adult brush, I've seen Sonicare coupons on Coupon Carryout ($5 off replacement heads is a great savings) and if you have any $10 off $30 from Bed, Bath and Beyond that would be a good place to check too. Still, the cost is better than dental treatments.

The Sonicare for Kids and the replacement brush heads are available online at:
Amazon.com 
Drugstore.com/Beauty.com (Shop through EBates.com and earn 6% cash back at either site! Go to Ebates and search for Sonicare)
Target.com

You can purchase in store at Bed, Bath and Beyond, WalMart and Target. There's a $10 coupon on page 142 of the June issue of All You magazine. Check with your dentist's office for a possible $5 rebate. Our office had the rebate forms at post time.

This is a a sponsored post. I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Sonicare and received a free Sonicare For Kids toothbrush to facilitate my review. The opinions are all me. Some links are affiliate links. Photo credit.

Mom Guilt Stinks

I've been feeling Mom Guilt since the moment I found out I was pregnant. Gasp! I had a few cocktails! What if something happens?! It's gotten progressively worse over the years. Even though I know it's a useless and wasted emotion, I carry it around with me like a favorite accessory.

I pushed for three hours and Tyler came out looking like a tiny prize fighter. Guilt. 

I had to go back to work when Tyler was only 3 months old. Guilt.

We started Tyler in Kindergarten at age 4. Guilt.

I try not to let parenting issues get me down, but I'm a worrier and I beat myself up over just about everything. It doesn't matter that Tyler is his own person, that he understand the basics of right and wrong and is mostly capable of making his own decisions. If he acts like a brat in public, people aren't wondering what his problem is, they're looking at right at me. 

The latest monkey on my back is Tyler's teeth. It seems he's inherited mine which resemble mini mountain ranges with steep peaks and valleys. The result? Four cavities and the makings of a new one. Guilt. 

I'm not sure what Tyler has against taking care of his teeth (and basic hygiene in general). We started fighting about it, meaning I'd yell at him for not doing it correctly and he'd whine that the toothpaste was too spicy and why can't he go back to the bubble gum flavored kind?! 

I found out that first, Tyler wasn't brushing at all, then he'd brush, but with no toothpaste! I resorted to doing random plaque checks, sneaking up on him when he's in the bathroom, putting the toothpaste in a specific position after he'd gone to bed and checking to make sure the toothbrush bristles were wet before we left for school. I had the dentist talk to him, showed him scary pictures of tooth decay and threatened to make him pay for any future cavities. The kid just wasn't getting it and I was ready to lay the ultimate smackdown.

As a last, last resort we got him a new toothbrush, the Sonicare for Kids. It seems to be working. We gave Tyler our old Sonicare when we got new ones, but I think the adult size head was part of the problem. He's brushing without fuss, with toothpaste, and seems to be more thorough. I'm happy that I can stop pulling my hair out and turning our mornings and nights into screaming matches. 

Photo from here

Now, if only I can find a way to get him to brush his hair and not leave the house looking like Crabman from My Name is Earl. Guilt. 

*We received a Sonicare for Kids from Mom Central. The opinions are mine, as is the guilt over not having this post up in time (despite the reminders) because I spent the last two days shopping, visiting with family and spa-ing with friends. Read my full Sonicare for Kids review.

Day at the Beach: Surfer Boy - Wordless Wednesday

May 2010

I Gave My Kid an Eyeful Yesterday

I was early enough at afternoon pick up to get a good parking spot and to stand by the gates and catch Tyler on his way out. We walked back to the car and he was his usual chatty self. We always talk the whole ride home about how his day was, what he did at recess, whether his larva died. The usual kid stuff.

We hopped in the car and he got really quiet. Actually, he didn't say a word. I pulled up to a red light and looked over my shoulder to ask if everything was okay. Tyler was leaning forward in his booster seat, staring at the floor behind the driver's seat.

What on earth is he staring a...

*mental head slap*

Crappity, crap, crap. 

They don't take those magazines at Goodwill. I forgot I'd tossed them on the floor. At least it was this issue was on top of the pile and not one of the other two.

I told Phil the story as we were getting ready for bed. His reaction? 

"Heh heh. That's my boy. Heh heh. Bewbs." [in a Beevis and Butthead voice, naturally]

 Mom. Fail.

Wordless Wednesday: Blue Italian Ice

Oceanside Farmer's Market April 2010

What Do You Know About It?!

We've been watching Life on Discovery*. It's been great family time. It has, however, opened a door we weren't prepared to go through. The show talks a lot about mating. A lot. Two weeks ago, we were all cozied up on the couch watching the episode about birds when Oprah (she narrates) said the word seks and Tyler screwed up his face.

"Ewww!"

Me: "What's ewww?"

"She said, 'ES-E-X'." [how does he know how to spell it?!]

"What do you know about seks?" 

"It's gross."

"Why is it gross?"

Phil is looking at me over Tyler's head and his eyes kept getting bigger and more deer in headlights-y.

Kinda like this female Dawson's Burrowing Bee.

"Because there's all that kissing. That's gross."

"Actually, kissing is kissing. Seks is how babies are made."

Phil had a heart attack. 

Tyler didn't say anything to that. After the show, we sent him to get ready for bed.

Phil: "Why did you tell him that?!"

"I didn't want him on the playground yelling at some girl, 'stop trying to have seks with me!' He needs to know the difference."

"I'm not ready for this, he's only 7!" 

"Me neither, but kids are doing some scary stuff, we're going to have to talk about it eventually."

"Yes, but he's only 7!!"

We told my mom the story when she was here last week. She, of course, thought it was hysterical. My parents didn't have The Talk with me. I'm sure with my brother it was, "do not, under any circumstances, bring home a pregnant girlfriend." 

I've been wondering when the topics of seks would come up. I figured we'd wait until Tyler brought it up and answer age appropriately. When he was a toddler, we told him the proper names for body parts and that he used to drink milk from my breasts. I think we've done a good job giving him the information he needs and answering his questions honestly. 

Now that he's brought it up, I guess it's time to think more in depth about how we'll answer the actual how-to questions. I'm sure it will be up to me, given Phil's reaction to this little incident. 

How old were your kids when you had The Talk? What did you say?

*Life is such a good show. Very similar to the Planet Earth series. I wasn't asked to write about it, we just really enjoy it and have had fun watching together. Photo from the Life/Discovery website.

Losing My Mom of the Year Award

I made Tyler cry yesterday. Granted, I've done it before, but this time it was accidental. Yesterday's weather was below southern California standards. It wasn't nice enough for the pool, beach or park (don't hate) so we decided to go see How To Train Your Dragon.
Tyler was outside playing. I called him in and told him to change into jeans and get his shoes on.

Before I get to the part where I made him cry, let me explain a little bit about Tyler. He makes it virtually impossible to surprise him or treat him to something. Whenever I ask him to get ready so we can leave, he starts in with 20 Questions.

Are we going somewhere?
Where are we going?
Is it the park?
Which park are we going to?
Is it the squishy one* or the one with the sand?
It's not the park?
Is it Chuck e Cheese?
Will there be food there?
Will my cousin be there?
Is it the skate park?
Can I bring my scooter?
Why is the sky blue in the daytime but not at night?

If I don't answer, he just keeps going. I've told him before that sometimes, part of the excitement of going somewhere is the anticipation and element of surprise. He needs to just sit back and enjoy the ride every once in awhile. We're still working on it.

Back to the story.

I can see that he's about to launch into 20 Questions. We need to get moving since we decided to go at the last minute and wanted to catch the next showing (leaving us about 25 minutes to get there) so we could go to dinner afterwards. We didn't have time to play his game.

"We're going to the movies and we need to get a move on."

"What movie are we seeing?"

I get easily frustrated that, when asked to do something, Tyler doesn't always just do it because we're his parents and we asked him to. He has to question everything. I'm sure this is a trait I'll admire later. Now? Not so much. Which is probably what led to me saying:

"You're not seeing a movie, Daddy and I are seeing a grown up one and you're waiting in the car."

Phil laughed a little and said, "we're going to see How To Train Your Dragon and we need to hurry."

Fast forward to after the movie.** We're walking back to the car asking each other what we thought when Tyler says to me, "you know, Mom, you made me cry earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"Before, when I asked where we were going."

"You mean, when I said you were going to be waiting in the car?'

"Yes. I was crying in the back seat on the way here. I used Dad's sweatshirt to wipe my tears."

Yes, he actually said 'wipe my tears.' I felt about thisbig. He didn't hear Phil when he said the name of the movie. My poor kid thought he'd be sitting in the car alone! Obviously, my sarcasm didn't quite come through. I've apologized profusely, but think I'm going to have to pull something really special out of my ass to make up for this one.

Please tell me I'm not the only one to inadvertently reduce their kid to tears?

*We have a park nearby with that bouncy, rubber tire-like stuff under the play structure. We started calling it the squishy park, to differentiate it from the sand park, and the where-we-used-to-live park.
**We all loved the movie. It's really cute. We saw it in IMAX 3D. The dragons aren't super scary, except for the giant bad-guy one. I wouldn't take kids under 5.

And Then He Could Fly

It's hard watching Tyler struggle with self confidence and being brave. On the one hand, he's recently asked me to help him become famous. On the other, he gets stage fright sometimes. He loves roller coasters but doesn't want to try the "big kid" ramp at the skate park. 

We try to be encouraging without patting him on the back for every little thing he does. The "everybody gets a star" mentality has ruined kids' abilities to take constructive criticism and have pride in their own accomplishments. But, it's hard not to give in occasionally when I see Tyler falter. 

I babysat last week and had 4 kids at the house. It didn't rain after all (thank you Jesus!) so I made them go outside. The kids had scooters and I moved my car so they could roll down the driveway. The other little boy, "Joe," is younger than Tyler, shorter and seems to be naturally athletic. He's been taking skateboard lessons locally and can do tricks Tyler hasn't learned yet. "Joe" suggested they use the driveway as a ramp and then jump off the curb. He went down over and over, catching pretty good air and landing without ending up on the ground. 

Tyler started to go several times but backed out at the last minute saying he was going too fast. "Joe" was trying to be encouraging, showing Tyler how to do it and where to jump. Tyler took it as criticism and I could see the beginnings of a sulk. I debated with myself as to whether I should step in and be encouraging or if I'd make it worse. Tyler went inside and I followed. He saw me and then came the beginnings of tears. 

"Talk to me, what's wrong?"

"He's making fun of me because I can't do the jump."

"No, he's trying to be helpful, I think you're just taking it the wrong way."

I reminded him that "Joe" started skateboarding before Tyler and that he's a full head taller than "Joe", which means he's heavier and has a different center of gravity.

"You may not be able to do it his way, but you can figure out your own way."

That seemed to help and Tyler went back outside. They abandoned the driveway for awhile and raced up and down the street instead. We had lunch and I sent them back out (we'd already had one nearly broken picture frame, a Darth Vader helmet to the nose and wood floors vs. sock feet; they were too amped to be inside!).

I had a feeling Tyler would want to try the jump again. And I was right. It took him a few tries, but he did it. And then it was like he'd known how to do it all along.

"Did you see that mom?! I totally nailed it! This is SO much fun!"

I guess my pep talk worked after all. Perhaps a little too well?

I Hope She Can Take A Joke

Yesterday, Tyler and I went to the card store for his great-grandmother's birthdays. I let him choose the ones he wanted to give. 

Inside reads: "It's too late for that!"

Let's hope Gramma has her sense of humor on when she opens it!

Conflicted: When Business and Home Collide

My little man has inherited his mother's Gift of Gab. The kid starts talking as soon as his feet hit the floor in the morning. Unfortunately, Chatty Patty is getting in a little bit of trouble at school. We've talked with him about it. Hopefully it's sinking in that disrupting the class is not OK. 

Tonight is Open House at school. I also have an event I agreed to before the date for the open house was set. I feel that I need to go to school to set up a meeting with Tyler's teachers. He's also really looking forward to showing us his PowerPoint presentation (is anyone else's kid doing PowerPoint in second grade?!). 

I want his teacher to know that we're involved parents. I also want Tyler to know we're proud of him. But, this event is a good networking opportunity. It's hosted by a really good local ad agency and there are several people working there I'd like to meet. 

I don't know why, but now that I'm home, it feels harder to juggle all my roles. I decided to stay home to be more available to my family and to make our lives less chaotic. But, the more involved I get in social media, the more opportunities I have and I'm spending more time trying to (hopefully) create a business.

I feel stuck in the middle. Should I be a good mom and go to Open House or think of my professional goals and go to the event?

What would you do?

My First Library Card: A Proud Mama Moment

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. ~Groucho Marx

I love to read and so does Phil. Before we got pregnant we talked about wanting our future kids to love it as well. Tyler has had his own library since he was an infant. We still have some of my Dr. Seuss books on his bookshelf. When I was younger, my mom would take me to the book store for the latest Sweet Valley High book and I'd finish it by the end of the day. She'd jokingly-but-kinda-not tell me to slow. it. down. At the time, I couldn't figure out why she'd want me not to read. But now that Tyler is flying through chapter books, I totally get it. Our reading addiction isn't cheap!

So, I took Tyler to the library and he got his own library card. Of course I was a proud mama but more so because HE was proud to have his own card and thinks it's a big responsibility. He keeps his card in his wallet. He reminds me when his books are due.

It's been great introducing him to some of the same books I read when I was his age. We go to the used library book store since kids books are usually .25 or .50. It's a habit I'm happy to indulge, although it's strange having to tell him, "alright, enough reading, turn off the light and go to bed already!"

What are you doing to encourage reading at your house? 

 

*Sorry for the crap cell phone photos

Wordless Wednesday: Crazy Hair Day

And Now He Wants to be a Pilot Too: Wordless Wednesday