I wasn't going to lace up my sneakers today. They're in the corner of my room, kind of hidden next to my laundry basket so they're easy to overlook without feeling too guilty for neglecting my 3 Day training. But then, I read my friend Debbie's post about her breast exam this afternoon.

Now I'm scared and sad and angry and anxious and I want to DO SOMETHING, anything, to help. But, other than be a friend, there's not much I can do. Except walk.

While I walk I will say a prayer for everyone who will receive a phone call from their doctor, who is sitting in a chair with chemo pumping into their system, who has made the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy, whose hair has fallen out for the first time, or whose family is preparing to say their goodbyes.

I will put on my sneakers today and I will walk this twitchy, nervous energy out and with each step I will send Debbie all the positive energy and love I can. I will thank her mother for raising such a beautiful person and take comfort in knowing her spirit will be with Debbie this afternoon. 

I love you, my friend.

Twelve

April 26, 1992

Phil-

Hi, hon. How are you? I'm fine. I miss you though. Tomorrow is our anniversary and I really wish we could spend it together, I don't think I ever fully realized what a major part of my life you are until I went away to school. I've met so many new people and I'm having a great time, but there's always a part of me that wishes you could be here with me all the time. 

There's always a part of me that really aches to see you. I can't wait until summer when we can spend every possible moment together. I hope the coming months are good ones for us. I'm sure they will be. I feel it in my heart. I love you very much. I miss you more and more each day.

Melanie

My heart was right. It's been good.

I love you.

Honoring A Fallen Soldier

Between my husband's role in the military and us living in one of the largest military towns in the US, it's impossible not to be influenced and effected by the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Our local news is full of stories about local troops coming home and being shipped off. When I go on base, I see handmade signs welcoming someone home or announcing a birth. The situation with our troops is something I feel all the time. But this past week the war hit even closer to home. My friend, Christine of Everyday Mama, lost someone in her family. A husband, father, brother-in-law and uncle.

Christine is channeling her grief into something productive. She's working with WitKids, a local organization, to host a Day of Service and Remembrance event this coming Friday, 9/11. WitKids will be collecting items to create Care Packages for our soldiers serving overseas.

In celebration of 9/11 National Day of Service and Remembrance, WitKids will be hosting a family-friendly volunteer event on Saturday, September 11, 2010 in [San Diego's] Little Italy's Amici Park from 9:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. to collect items for military care packages. The event will be held in honor of Staff Sgt. Casey J. Grochowiak; a local Special Forces Army Ranger who was recently killed in-the-line of duty in Afghanistan.

At the event, Witkids will have on hand art supplies for kids and their parents to make “Thank You” cards for military men and women serving overseas to include in the packages. WitKids will also be hosting a donation bin where people are encouraged to bring items to donate to the military care packages. The most requested items include sunflower seeds, beef jerky, instant or ground coffee, travel-size baby wipes, liquid hand sanitizer, pre-paid phone cards and small flashlights.

Please help Christine and her family honor Staff Sgt. Casey Grochowiak. Take a moment to look over the rest of the soldiers' wish list. When I sent packages to my adopted soldier, powdered drink mixes (like Gatorade, Crystal Light and Propel) and summer sausage were huge hits. If you're not able to donate here in San Diego, there are plenty of organizations putting together care packages for our troops.

Please think of our men and women serving overseas today and every day. My thoughts and prayers are with Christine and her family.

Hot Shutterfly Deal Alert for Today's Groupon 9/6

I've been getting more and more deal and savings offers in my email. I'm guessing it's because of the grocery savings posts I've done. I've been hesitant to pass these on to you because I don't know if that's what you want. I'd only share the really good deals, like the one I got today, but don't want to go overboard if you all aren't into it. 

I got an email from the folks at Groupon about a today-only national offer (their offers are generally regional). Shutterfly has posted their 8x8, 20-page photo book for only $10. It's usually $30. My neighbor always shows me the ones her grandkids make for her. They're really cute and the quality is great.

Shutterfly Deal $30 worth for only $10

These are the type of things I'd be sharing. Since the holidays are so close some of these will be great to take advantage of. (Christmas countdown = 109 days!) Can you please let me know in the comments if stuff like this is useful for you? Maybe I can make it a weekend thing? 

*Photo from Shutterfly, contains an affiliate link.

Chili's Review: A Great Spokesperson I Am Not

Update 2/9/11 Welcome Googlers! I get so many people searching for a recipe that I've linked to a printable corn soup recipe at the bottom of the post. It's from one of the chef's at Disneyland. The soup isn't the same as Chili's but it's sooo good!

Writing reviews is not easy for me. At least, writing the type of reviews I want to write isn't. There's a balance that I need to have to write a review in 'my own way' but still please the client. I wish I was one of the people who write so well and subtly about something that the reader almost misses that they've just been "sold" on something. 

So, I try to make a personal connection for you. I figure that has to be better than me posting an upchucked press release. This review, for Chili's, has taken me FOR-ever! (see, no subtleties here!) I love to eat, I love to eat out and love good food. It should not be so hard to talk about food! But, apparently, for me it is. I've written and deleted at least three of these review posts so far.

I should probably start at the beginning. I got an email from Chili's asking if I wanted to participate in their new campaign and try the new freshly prepared items on their menu. We love the restaurant so it was a no brainer. I told the PR person he "had me at hamburger." Phil and I mange to go out twice; first for lunch and again a few weeks later for dinner. At lunch I ordered sweet corn soup and a skinny margarita. The soup was so good I ordered it again when we went to dinner. I figured I'd make the post about our date nights and how the sweet corn soup is now in my list of Best Soups I've Had This Year.

*Aside: I love soup. I have a thing for soup.

So, I start to write about how I've had five soups this year that have rocked my socks so much I think about them often, including the sweet corn. But the post started veering more toward where I was when I ate the soups and less and less about Chili's and their new menu items. I scrapped it and moved on to a new post about how much I love soup (see aside above).

Chili's Sweet Corn Soup

I wrote about fall and how it's my favorite season because of boots and sweaters and how awesome soup is on a cool night. I found a recipe for sweet corn soup that I was going to include along with photos of me making it at home but that didn't work out either.

Chili's Skinny Patron Margarita

Then, looking for a sweet corn recipe made me realize how most soups are so similar, but different at the same time. At it's most basic, soup is heavily seasoned water. You start out with one soup, and by changing one or two ingredients you can have an entirely different soup. It was interesting until I started to write about it. The post got really long and nerdy. I was going to make a soup flow chart graphic, but really, how would that help you? 

Chili's Shiner Bock Rib Combo

If I'm supposed to be sharing that the new salads are hand tossed, the hamburger meat isn't frozen and the margarita has fresh squeezed lime juice in an effort to entice you to eat at Chili's, rambling on and on about how good the sweet corn soup is probably wouldn't be very convincing. Plus, I hadn't even worked into the scrapped posts the ways you can connect with Chili's on Facebook, You Tube or Twitter or how you can get a free order of their Skillet Queso and Chips. 

So, back to the review drawing board I go. I guess I could apply the KISS method and straight up say, "we really enjoy the food at Chili's, especially their new freshly prepared items, and think you will too," but that doesn't seem nearly as personal as trying to come up with a great post about soup.

*This is an unpaid sponsored post. Chili's provided me with a gift card to sample their menu items. The opinions, as well as the complete inability to write reviews, are 100% my own.

*For those looking for a good corn chowder recipe, I posted one from the chef at Disneyland's Storytellers Cafe and included a link to a printable Google Doc.

Happy 90210 Day!

I was a college freshman when Beverly Hills 90210 was in it's heyday. I lived in a dorm on the SDSU campus. There was always a fight over the common room TV on the nights 90210 and Melrose Place were on. It ended up becoming a Girls vs. Boys TV War. Someone would stake out the common room earlier and earlier to claim the TV. Sometimes we won, sometime they did.

It got so ugly that our RA finally stepped in and created a weekly TV schedule. He printed it on poster sized paper and hung it between the pool and foosbal tables. Oh the cheers when the girls were victorious! Thursday night was ours!

But the boys did not go down without a fight. Thursday nights became the perfect night for foosball tournaments, never ending games of pool and other forms of loud, frat boy behavior. They developed a knack for being their most obnoxious right before someone on the show was about to be kissed, killed or make some kind of monumental confession. We were pissed! No amount of shushing, cajoling, offers to bake cookies and, if I remember correctly, do laundry could get them to respect the TV Schedule. They were ruining our night and enjoying every minute of it.

Luckily, my parents came to my rescue. I asked for a TV and VCR for Christmas and I got both! I came back from Christmas break and surprised my friends.We were back in business. But, we didn't want everyone to know. Thursday night was strictly for me, my roommate, our friends and a chosen few. We'd pass each other in the hallways or meet in the bathroom and whisper, "are you watching tonight?" like we were planning something illegal. There would usually be about 10 of us crowded onto the beds and on the floor to watch the happenings at The Peach Pit and the Beverly Hills Beach Club. The scent of popcorn would usually bring a few strays.

Having something to look forward to and people to share it with made my freshman year a lot less awkward. Thursday nights were for pajamas, friends and laughter. 

Where were you during Beverly Hills 90210's glory years?

The Hottest, I Mean, Happiest Place on Earth

We're headed to Disneyland today. We're trying to get in a few last hurrah's before Tyler goes back to school on Monday.

Let me pause just a moment to enjoy that last sentence again.

***

Okay. I'm good. 

I'm not sure how late we'll be there but I hope late enough that we can watch World of Color again. The show is UH-mazing! I saw it for the first time at the world  premiere event and was blown away. How they managed to synchronize water, light, music, fire and movie is a mystery. If you go to the park it's a definite must-see.

Hopefully I can figure out what the best settings are on my camera on to capture the images projected onto the water more sharply, and I'm bound and determined to find the perfect picture taking spot for short people. Most of my shots look like this:

They're blurry and have someone else's camera smack in the middle. If I get any video I'll post it because the musical score is great too. I have better pictures on Flickr (including me with one of my favorite TV stars!)

If you're going to Disneyland here's a little World of Color info from the Disneyland blog:

*World of Color is playing nightly through Labor Day (check the Disneyland site for specific times)

*A third 11:15 show was added to accommodate all the fans

*Disney California Adventure will be open until 11:00 through September 6th

How to see World of Color:

*With a FASTPASS 

*Picnic Meals 

*Pre Fixe dinner packages

From the two times I saw the show I think getting there early will offer the best viewing. You can stand on the bridge to the left of the show but all the images are best seen head on and you need to be there fairly early to claim a prime spot.

It's going to be fry-eggs-on-the-sidewalk hot today so there's a good chance I'l succumb to the heat and this will be my last post ever. Thank you for reading.

*I was not compensated for this post. Disneyland did provide tickets to the park and lodging for me to attend the premiere. My opinion that World of Color is spectacular is 100% my own.

BlogHer 2010: Pre-Wrap Up Part Two

I hope to do an actual BlogHer post but I need to get this off my chest too.

I didn't go to many sessions but there was a definite theme running through the ones I did attend. Perhaps it was because, in my opinion, there were a lot of very new bloggers in attendance. Maybe it was just the session I went to. Whatever the reason I heard things like this over and over again. Someone would stand up, say their name and blog name and start off their question with:

"My blog is really little"

"Only my family reads me"

"I don't have nearly the traffic/comments/readers/subscribers as you do"

"My blog is just..."

Et cetera, et cetera.

Can I ask a favor? 

Knock that shit off. Please?

You decided to be online, be a part of this digital community for a reason. You established a presence and put your words out there for all eternity. You wouldn't have done it if they weren't important to you. Stop telling the rest of us they're not.

Every time you belittle the work you do (particularly with 'just.' It bugs me to no end when people say they or their blogs are 'just' anything), you are diminishing your space. Why would you make the effort to go to a conference and then tell everyone how unimportant your space is?

Claim your space. Own it. Stop telling us what it isn't and show us what it IS.

Picky Eater? Advice for Walking the Breast Cancer Three Day

To say I am a picky eater is just as much of an understatement that the Empire State Building is tall. I could, and do, happily eat the same things over and over again and I don't like to experiment. I bring things I like, rather than crowd pleasers, to potlucks because then I know there will be at least one thing I will eat.

I was a little worried about the food situation at The 3 Day last year. I knew the types of things available at the Pit Stops and Grab and Go's because I've been to several with my mom. But I never bothered to ask her about the actual meals. I'm happy to report I shouldn't have worried. The buffet line has something for everyone. Some examples of the offerings:

Lunch in La Jolla

Breakfast: 

Blintzes

Grits

Yogurt

Oatmeal

Coffee

Tea

Biscuits

Lunch:

Sandwiches

Dinner

Fruit

Wraps

Chips

Cheese

Dinner:

Chicken

Pasta

Vegetables

Breadsticks

Rice

Hoping for wheat bread this year

Grab and Go's:

Smuckers Uncrustables 
[these are like gold, take them when you see them!]

String cheese

Orange slices

Water

Gatorade

Bananas

Mom's first Jello Shot!

Plus, if your city is anything like mine, your walk route will be lined with supporters offering everything from cookies and candy to Jello Shots! You will not go hungry during The 3 Day! Some people have gained weight because of all the goodies. But I wouldn't know anything about that. *ahem*

Do you have any questions for me about the Three Day? Please ask! 

Melanie, a Three Day Online Ambassador,  is walking her second San Diego Three Day in November 2010 along with her mother who will be walking her 10th! Help Melanie reach her fundraising goal of $2,300 by donating through her personal page. More photos from day one of the 2009 San Diego 3 Day on Flickr.

BlogHer 2010: A Pre-Wrap Up

I want to do another more thorough wrap up but I had to get this off my chest. This is in response to some of the sanctimonious, preachy things I've been reading about BlogHer and the parties.

A few weeks ago I made a phone call I was a little nervous to make because I wasn't sure how it would be received. A year ago after BlogHer '09 I was invited to work with a company (along with many others), but haven't because I didn't see myself well represented in their products. I had asked questions and requested more information but wasn't getting much of a response. This call, to the marketing director, was a last ditch effort of sorts. If I got a good response, the conversation went well and I felt I was really being heard, I'd make more of an effort and would feel good about the partnership.

I made the call and felt much better about the company and the brand afterward. I gave my honest opinion (hopefully not in a mean way) and voiced my concerns. I got an honest answer, not marketing bullshit. I appreciate that. It goes along way. I told myself I'd get more involved, see where things go and continue to push for a change I really feel was needed.

Fast forward to the pre-BlogHer scheduling craziness. I saw that this company would be at BlogHer again. Not only that, but I had invites to both places they would be. I take this as a sign. Now I will have an opportunity to talk face to face, look at new products and offer myself up for any future consulting on products for women of color.

Front lobby of their new offices

I had my first chance to meet with the people from e.l.f. on Friday morning at Getting Gorgeous. I asked if the marketing director was there, introduced myself and thanked her for her time on the phone. We chatted some more, she game me some material to look over and showed me some of the products. Again, I appreciated the conversation.

When it was my turn to get my makeup done, I told Kim, one of the e.l.f. makeup artists, a little bit of my story. Kim is a black woman and is fairly new to the company. She agreed with my perspective and asked if she could pass along my comments to the company president. I gave her my card.

New items plus the XBox Kinect

My next opportunity came at their sponsored party; Glamour and Games. This time, I got to speak with the creative director too. By now, I can tell that my concerns are being heard. I'm being taken seriously. How often does one get the chance to have the ear of top people at a company?* I definitely felt this was my opportunity to be the unofficial spokesperson for other women of color and I couldn't let it go by. Kim did my make up again, and I asked if she would use the mineral power since it was something I planned to order and I wasn't sure which shade to buy.

She chose Dark, which is what I would have ordered. Can you guess where this is going? It was ALL wrong. Instead of the matte coverage mineral foundation is supposed to give, I looked like I had reddish-pink blush all over my face. Kim called the marketing director over.

"See? This is what I've been trying to tell you. Black skin has so many different undertones. This has way too much red in it."

Now I know I have to order Dark and Warm and mix the two. I would not have even thought of doing that on my own. Not only did I get to tell people from e.l.f. that I haven't taken advantage of any of their offers because I was too unsure of how their products would look on my skin, they got to see it firsthand. 

I was impressed with the variety

If I had ordered the Dark and put it on at home with those results, (especially given my previous frustration) I would have written them off entirely. Would I have told others why I didn't use their products? Would I have sent out a frustrated Tweet or email? Who knows. But they would have lost me for good.

So yes, I was at a parties when I could have been in sessions or listening to closing keynotes. But, if listening to my concerns and seeing how awful my face looked with their product on it is even a small catalyst for change within e.l.f., (or better yet, gives Kim the opportunity to develop the line for women of color that she wants to do) then it was totally worth it for me.

YOU may not have had an interest in the sponsored parties but there's no reason to look down your nose at those who did. Not everyone goes to a conference for the same reasons. Since the conference ended I've read too many posts about what I should and should not have been doing at BlogHer. How dare I enjoy New York! There's learning to be done! MYOB.

I'm not here to police anyone. I won't tell anyone how they should spend their time at an event they used their own money to attend. It's not up to me to determine what value anyone gets by attending a conference. We all have our reasons for going to BlogHer (or any conference) and they're all different. That's supposed to be part of the beauty of blogging! Celebrating our differences! How sad that, immediately after an event that is supposed to inspire, educate and empower our community some people can only judge.

You do you and I'll do me, agreed?

*Social media has made us think we always have someone's attention. Most companies, if they're doing it right, are monitoring what we say but how many are willing to take action before it becomes damage control? 

Thank you to e.l.f. and XBox for hosting!

I Will: Be More of a Yes Mom

Tyler and I were at Henry's a few weeks ago getting supplies for dinner. He asked if I would buy a pack of mini blueberry muffins. I said no, we have mix at home, we can make them. His response stayed with me. It wasn't what he said, "you always say that," it was how he said it. He sounded so resigned and a little defeated. Then I lost my Mom of the Year hat because I totally turned it around on him. "Well, you can always offer to help me make them." 

Why did I say that?! It was a knee jerk reactionary and passive aggressive statement. It's not like he was accusing me of being a horrible mom in the middle of the grocery store (though that must be how I took it since I basically blamed him for the lack of fresh baked goods in our house). I felt horrible after I said it. Who blames the 7-year old for not offering to bake?

I thought about what he said for the rest of the day. He's totally right. I do always say we can make muffins but rarely follow through. It's just muffins. And not even homemade ones.* Why is it so hard for me to give him something so simple? I resolved to be a different mom for the rest of the summer. I posted on Facebook that I was going to be "more of a Yes Mom." Since I posted I think I've done OK.

We spent last week at the beach with Phil's family. I smelled like campfire smoke every day and brought half the beach home with us, but Tyler had a blast. Between the junk food, S'mores and candy he had more crap in a week than he's had in a month (probably longer).

Between Phil and I, Tyler has been to the park (many times), Disneyland, the zoo, three camps, our neighborhood pool (a LOT), the library and the book store (that's my boy!). There's been more TV, computer and Wii time and staying-up -until-11:30 reading time than I normally allow. I think we've given him a good summer. 

At the end of the day, when Tyler gets older he won't remember the exact things we've done for him, or the quantity of things we did. He will remember that we were there. When he looks back on the times he said, "today was the best day of my life!" we'll be woven into those memories. I don't want any of his best days tarnished by all the times we said 'no' to one of his requests.

When we got pregnant, we talked about not giving in, not letting our child control the house and drawing the line being being occasionally indulgent and spoiling. I think we've gotten so caught up in keeping Tyler grounded that we forget to let him have fun. 

Santee, Ca July 2010

I'm going to try harder to find the balance between giving him every little thing he asks for and keeping reasonable limits. I will continue to make him "earn" his treats but slip him a piece of candy once in awhile. I will bring a little more fun into our time together. I will make more muffins.

*I add a little vanilla and fresh berries to the mix so they could totally pass for homemade.

A Moment of Silence

American Flag of the United States of America (USA Flag)
Flickr set by jcolman

I watched the Today Show this morning and heard a statistic that July 2010 is officially the deadliest month for soldiers in Iraq since the war began 9 years ago. The newscaster read off the information as part of a news roundup. It took about 10 seconds, if that.

I know the war is a loaded topic. I know it's not a "feel good" way for people to start their day. I know it's not part of the growing trend of entertainment passing as hard news. But.

We are losing men and women every day. People who have voluntarily raised their hands and taken an oath to protect our country and our freedoms. Husbands, wives, mothers and fathers are getting the news that someone they love will be coming home in a flag covered coffin.

It's heartbreaking that Chelsea Clinton's wedding and Ellen leaving American Idol got more coverage (several minutes more) than the record setting deaths of our men and women in uniform.

As July comes to an end, please take a moment, offer a prayer or have a moment of silence for the brave men and women we've lost. We can show our military that though the news media doesn't think they're important, their fellow Americans do.

Awe: Wordless Wednesday

When I Was Your Age

Tyler: "Dad, did Webkinz exist when when you were a kid?"

Phil: "No. The internet didn't exist when I was a kid."

Tyler: [in a sad voice] "Oh. Sorry you lived in a time when technology wasn't so good."

10 Happy Things: A Meme

Mama Mary tagged me in a meme awhile ago. I'm to share with you 10 Things That Make Me Happy. It's hard for me to make lists like this because I change my mind all the time and I don't really have a "favorite" of anything. If you ask me to do this meme a week from now, heck even later today, my answers will probably be different. So, here (in almost no particular order) are 10 things that are making me happy right now.

1. Tyler

I know, I know. Putting my kid on the list is totally cliche. But. We've had a great summer. Last year at this time we were butting heads every day. I was yelling. He was oozing attitude. It was awful and we were both miserable. The first day back to school was arguably the third best day of my life (after my wedding day and his birth). This summer we're having fun. Though I can't say I'll be sad when school starts (routines are good) I'll miss him a little during the day.

2. My book stash

I love the library book store. It's my new addiction. With Tyler reading more and using his own library card, I don't need to justify stopping in. It's rare for me not to leave without at least one book, thus the piles of books I have all over. There are 25 titles in this pile*. Some are authors I've read, some are new to me and some are things I've meant to read (like Watership Down and Pride and Prejudice). I get giddy thinking of all the characters and story lines. So much promise*!

3. Peanut Butter

I went to the pool with Michele and her kids last week. I was telling her about my braces and how I'm usually hungry but eating is too much of a hassle. Peanut butter has been a lifesaver. I can eat a few spoonfuls right from the jar and feel satisfied. My neighbors, the personal trainers, were shaking their heads and lectured me on hydrogenated oils, sugar and whey protein. Whatever. Talk to me when you get braces, buff guy.

4. My new blanket

I love this! I stalked it at Z Gallerie and snapped it up when it went on clearance. It's a blanket that folds up to look like a purse. I wish you could feel it. It's so fuzzy soft like a baby blanket. When the weather cools off I'll be parked with it in front of our fixed after 3 years fireplace.

5. Ciao Bella Gelato

Lemon and lime are two of my favorite flavors. I was in the mood for something last week when Tyler and I were at the grocery store. I thought I'd get sherbert but the neon green packaging of this gelato caught my eye. Key Lime Graham gelato is pure genius. It's like a piece of frozen key lime pie. I can tell I'm going to have a long, healthy love hate relationship with Ciao Bella.

6. This coffee mug

It's from Starbucks. I saw it a few years ago around Christmastime and fell in love with it. But not enough to buy it for $15. I took a chance and waited until after the holiday. I had to go to two different stores but I got it for 75% off.

7. Chai lattes

I know these aren't new but they're new to me. When I'm at the coffee shop I order it as a grande, light water, non fat, 2 pump sugar free vanilla chai latte. I know. I annoy myself. But, I'm trying really hard to stay on a budget and stopping at Starbucks once a day isn't the way to do it. Enter Costco. I got this for about $9. I add a little microwaved milk and a splash of vanilla coffee creamer. Not quite the same but it keeps Phil from yelling at me. 

8. Shoes

I've shown you a little bit of my shoe collection before. Last week, I was trying on things for BlogHer and I had all these shoes spread out around me. All the different colors, textures and styles were so pretty to look at. It made me smile. I love my shoes.

9. My DSLR

I don't think I could have chosen a more expensive hobby to get into. But, I'm having a lot of fun learning the ins and out of my camera. I hope I'll be able to improve the quality of my pictures so they show talent and technical skill not just dumb luck.

10. Chocolate

Ice cream, cookies, with peanut butter (see above), in bar form, in baked goods, in a martini, as hot chocolate, S'Mores! White, milk, dark, melted over strawberries. There's almost no form of chocolate I don't like.

What's making you happy today?

*If you want to know the book titles let me know. See the other meme participants at Mama Mary's site.

I Say Wear the Shoes: BlogHer 2010

You may have heard there's a pretty big blog conference coming up in a few days. Blogs and Twitter are all aflutter with conference talk, especially with advice from the veterans to the newbies.

The general theme of the advice I've read seems to be: don't stress, bring business cards, be yourself, it's a conference not the red carpet and for the love of Pete wear comfortable shoes! For the most part, I agree with all of that. However, I think I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent on one thing.

I say wear the fun shoes.

Yes, this is a conference. Yes, we're there to learn. But we're also there to have fun! For me, clothes and shoes are fun! And hello? New York! Will anyone remember what I was wearing? No. Will anyone judge me on what I'm wearing or not wearing? Maybe. * Do I care? No. Because it's not about everybody else, it's about me and what's important for my conference experience. And for me, clothes, shoes and looking nice are important.

I wore these to Mom's Nite Out

I don't know about you, but when I think I look good, I feel good. If wearing a spectacular** pair of shoes (or dress, handbag, favorite necklace) will make you feel good, do it!

I see nothing wrong with wanting to put your best face (or foot) forward. In addition to meeting other bloggers for the first time, we have an opportunity to meet ad agency reps, PR reps and celebrities. If, like me, one of your goals for this conference (or any conference) is treating everyone you meet as a potential client or business partner, why wouldn't you want to look nice?

I know it's not a fashion show, but I'm not gonna lie***. I've been shopping and I love the things I've found. Part of the fun of getting ready has been planning my outfits. I don't get to play dress up very often so I'm taking full advantage at BlogHer.

For me it boils down to this: do what makes you happy, what you'll be comfortable with and what will help you make the most of what will be an amazing weekend.

If you're going, please say hi! I'll be the one in cute shoes.

*Anyone who does isn't worth knowing.

**Spectacular is not always synonymous with towering or spike-y. There are so many awesome flats, sandals and wedges for the summer! Style does not have to be a sacrifice to comfort.

***In my opinion, women dress for other women. Not all, but most.

Issues? I Have Plenty

Tyler hurt my feelings Tuesday night. It was inadvertent, but the comment has stayed with me. I was out of sorts and cranky all day yesterday and I think part of it was the residual sting (mostly it was perimenopause). We were watching TV together (I got him into Future Food and Cake Boss) and Jennifer Hudson's Weight Watchers commercial came on.

When the special promotion was announced (lose all the weight you want for $1, I think), Tyler turns to me and says, "you should do that, Mom."

"You think I need to lose weight?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"So you can look hot."

Whoa.

I know he wasn't being mean. I don't think he really knows what it means to look hot. But it stung, nonetheless. He can't possibly know about all my issues and hangups. At least I hope not.

One of the reasons I tell myself it's probably a good thing I don't have a little girl is because there's almost no way I wouldn't pass on all my body issues to her. My weight is a pretty big one. The Braces Diet is still working but the pants I wore at National Mom's Nite Out are a little snug. And I'm freaking out.

Losing weight has been a strange trip. A few weeks ago my neighbor said to me that I was starting to get a little puffy but now I'm looking really good. Um, thanks? I'm happy with my new size; the single digit in my pants, but I still feel I have a long way to go until I look like the "after" image I have of myself in my head.

I have this sick need to compare myself with other people. Usually it's in a crowded place like an amusement park or the mall. Someone will walk by and I wonder if my butt jiggles the way hers does or if I the shirt I'm wearing gives me back fat too. It's an awful thing to do. I fully admit that. I'm not judging, only comparing. I feel yucky doing it but can't seem to stop.

I wish I had a mirror that lets me see myself the way other people see me. So many people tell me now that I look great. I don't mind hearing it. Part of me likes the compliment. The other parts of me feel guilty for liking the compliments on something superficial and still another part of me feels guilty because I haven't had to work at losing the weight and I don't deserve the praise. Screwed up, much?

When I was leaving one of the media events at the Social Media Moms event at Disney this past February, I ran into Laura. I'd been keeping an eye out for her because I hadn't seen her since my first blogging trip to Disneyworld back in 2008. We were standing right next to each other. I said, "hello, nice to see you, I was wondering when I'd run into you!" and I could tell she had no idea who this person acting so familiar with her was. I had to take off my hat and say, "it's me! Melanie!" She honestly didn't recognize me and said my face was totally different than the last time she saw me.

At Blissdom, I know I totally hurt Casey's feelings. When we ran into each other she told me I look great and I responded with something like, "did I not look good before?" or something equally bitchy and uncalled for. Casey looked appropriately taken aback and I felt like a total shit. I'm so sorry, friend. I really didn't mean for it to come out that way. It wasn't you, it was me. Truly.

I'm a walking contradiction. I have a good self image. I know I'm a good person, a good mom, wife, daughter and friend. I'm loyal. I'm giving, sometimes to a fault. But my self image and self esteem are two different beasts. I like the person I am, I just don't always love the packaging. 

Posting pictures of myself here in my bathing suits (and naked) was so outside my comfort zone. I did it to force the issue with myself. I hoped the photos would give me the real picture. I would be able to look at them and say, "see? it's not so bad!" Yeah. That hasn't happened yet.

So when Tyler said I should join Weight Watchers I wanted to cry. I honestly don't think I look that different or that I've lost that much weight. But, to literally be unrecognizable to someone I know, the changes have to be really profound. I'm terrified I'm going to put the weight I've lost back on. It's shallow and superficial, but it's true. 

I feel horrible making an issue of it because I know some people really struggle with their weight. Someone else will look at me and wonder what I have to complain about. That makes feel awful. Logically, I know I should get over myself. But I'm nothing if not emotional. I told Tyler that people can be hot without losing weight. If only I could internalize that statement and make myself believe it.

Can You Stand It?!: Wordless Wednesday

May 2010

(taken with a Canon speedlight and a 28-135mm lens)

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I tell Tyler that he has Fred Flinstone feet because his toes are almost completely straight across. I think it's adorable and I'll be sad when he outgrows it.

Surf lesson at Tamarack, May 2010

This past weekend we went to the jacuzzi. As we were drying off to head home, he reached out one foot and nudged my flip flop until it was horizontal and easier for me to put on. It was such a small gesture, but so thoughtful and sweet. My heart exploded into a million little pieces.

Love those toes.

A Holiday I Totally Support

Today is Chocolate Day! On July 7, 1550, the joy that is chocolate landed in Europe and women everywhere rejoiced. 

What holiday can you get behind?

*I'm a little embarrassed right now. Especially since that's not my entire stash.

Redundancy: Wordless Wednesday

(On Tuesday!)

At Least I Can Laugh About It

World of Color premiere, Disneyland, June 2010

Scene: Mother and son are in the car after a trip to Payless, where, once again, they disagreed on what shoes the son should buy.

Mother: "I'm only trying to help you. I know a little bit about shoes. I'm trying to give you the benefit of my since I'm a little older than you and I've.."

Son: "A little?! I'm only 7. You're way older than me."

Mother: [laughing] "I don't if I would say 'way'. How about 'a little'?"

Son: "No, you're way older."

Ouch.

Smart and Final Extra, Revisited

I had an opportunity to shop at Smart and Final Extra a few days ago. I haven't been there in ages, mainly because we have a Costco membership and I didn't see a need to visit another 'big box' store. I'm pleasantly surprised with the changes they've made to attract 'regular' grocery shoppers. 

The fact that they own Henry's Marketplace, one of my favorite stores for produce, is a big plus for me. I can definitely see myself going there to take advantage of really good sale items. Their prices are in line with the stores I shop in now and fit with my goal of keeping our grocery budget in check.

More check-ins at Smart & Final Extra

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What I liked about Smart and Final Extra:

1. They accept coupons!

2. You don't need a card for the in-store savings.

3. The prices are competitive.

4. The produce section offered a wide variety.

5. I can shop there 'normally' but also go in for the large sized items I'd typically buy if we're ever having a party (without the long lines!).

What I'd suggest as future changes:

1. Expand the store circular to include more of the Smart Savings items. It will make for more thorough coupon matching.

2. Expand their social media profile and start to work with frugal bloggers on a regular basis.

3. The website could be a lot more user friendly.

4. Printable coupons and a partnership with Cellfire.com.

5. E-coupons and/or mobile coupons that can be scanned straight from a smartphone.

6. Even though I could effectively plan a party and shop there, Costco still has a slight edge in that I can order a custom cake, the baked goods selection is huge and I can bring home a hot meal or heat and eat meal.

I forgot to ask Chris (who was super helpful) about their coupon policies. I'd like to know two things:

1. How they handle a coupon that is more than the cost of the item eg: if I have a $1 off coupon for a .99 item, will they adjust the coupon down to be .99 or will I get the penny overage?

2. Are shoppers allowed to use multiple coupons for the same item in one transaction eg: I buy 8 boxes of granola bars and have 8 coupons, will I have to make separate purchases? (some Target stores do this and it's a HUGE turnoff)

I'm really impressed with the changes I saw and will be following the progress to see what other ways Smart and Final Extra will be improving their stores. 

How about you? Have you shopped there recently? What did you think of the store and do you have any suggestions to add? 

*Thank you to Smart and Final Extra for the gift card used to make my purchases. I'm not being monetarily compensated for this post. The gift card did not influence my opinion of the store.

Phone Time with Terry Crews of Are We There Yet?

I've been incredibly fortunate to have some pretty amazing opportunities come my way through blogging. I've made new friends locally, met favorite bloggers face to face, attended some really great events, went to my first red carpet premiere and traveled more in the last 2 years than I have in my life. Now I can add phone chat with a TV and film actor to the list. 

It was a pretty typical day yesterday. The cat pooped on floor, the internet was down, I volunteered at Tyler's summer camp, did some laundry and dishes and then I got a call from my new BFF, Terry Crews, star of the TBS show Are We There Yet? You know, the usual stuff.

Are We There Yet? is about Nick (Terry) and his marriage to Suzanne (Essence Atkins) and how they manage their blended family. I asked Terry several questions but two things he said stuck with me through the day.

One of the main things Terry hopes the show does is offer a return of "the family hour." I thought about it and it's true. TV is pretty different now than when we were younger. I remember being able to watch The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Who's the Boss, Punky Brewster and Growing Pains with my parents before bedtime. Even the kinda lame shows like ALF and Small Wonder were things we could all watch together. I can't think of any network show that we've all watched together, and more importantly all enjoyed, since Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.

L to R: Coy Stewart, Essence Atkins, Terry Crews, Teala Dunn 
of TBS's Are We There Yet?

I'm not anti-TV. I think there's a ton of great programming on TV. We've had a lot of good discussions about things we've watched together, they just happen to be mostly on cable. Network rating aren't what they used to be. Perhaps they should re-visit the shows of the 1980's and bring back that formula and create more content like Are We There Yet? and less CSI spinoffs.

The other thing that's stuck with me has actually been a little bit of a mind blow for me. When the PR team asked if I'd like to speak with Terry about blended families, I kept telling them I'm not part of a blended family and would feel more comfortable talking about the show in general. One thing Terry said to me was, "being a stepparent can be a thankless job."

At first I was thinking about friends and other family members, nodding remembering some of the situations they've been in, but this morning I had a lightning bolt moment. My dad has been remarried for years, yet I don't think I've ever referred to "Sally" as my stepmom. It sounds so simple when I type it out, but I really am weirded out right now. Maybe if '"Sally" had kids I would think differently. I'll have to ponder that.

No matter what quantifiers we use to describe our families: blended, biracial, adoptive etc., they all include the word family. Terry said he wants Are We There Yet? to be an example that no matter how it came to be, "you are a family," and at the end of the day, "good parents are good parents, and good kids are good kids."

(Bloopers from tonight's season finale)

Thank you to Terry for taking the time to chat with me! I wonder if Ice Cube (the show's producer and also star) gives Terry a hard time for playing for the SD Chargers since he's such a huge Raider fan? I'll have to ask him the next time he calls.

The season finale of Are We There Yet? airs tonight on TBS. Full episodes are available online at TBS.com and Hulu.com.

*I wouldn't be me if I didn't also say it's great to see a show with a predominantly black cast where the family is in a strong, healthy relationship!

Eeeeeekkkk!

I do not like spiders. I do not like spiders. I do not like spiders. 

This morning I asked Tyler for the gazillionth time to get his room straightened up so I can vacuum. His floors haven't been vacuumed in so long I bet the carpet will be several shades lighter when I'm finished. 

He straightened up for me but I try to remember to check for stray Lego pieces and Nerf darts under his bed before I start. God forbid I suck up a droid arm! I got down on my hands and knees to do a quick scan and almost freaked the hell out.

Giving these out in place of candy is so NOT cool!

I froze and my heart started beating really fast. If it had wiggled, even a little bit, I think I'd be calling a moving van right now.

Movie Night in the Burbs: Wordless Wednesday

Atreyu!!!

Frugal Gift Basket Idea for Teachers | Video Post

I made this video last week. In it, I share the end of year, beach-themed gift basket I put together for Tyler's teacher. 

I went to three places: Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond and my local library. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and the fact that I was able to stick so close to my set budget.  

See what I was able to do for under $25!

What did you give your kids' teacher?

Father's Day Gift Ideas for the Stumped

I generally use Father's Day as an opportunity to buy Phil the type of clothes I like to see him in. He doesn't care one iota about fashion so I can make him my own life-sized Ken doll. But if he doesn't need clothes, I'm usually at a loss. And forget about our father's. They're both so hard to shop for. 

We usually rely on the ole 'cute picture of the grandkid' standby if neither of us have an original idea. Here are a few things I've come across for those of you who get stumped the same way I do.

Kicked up cutting boards

I saw these at the International Housewares Show. They're from the Epicurean BBQ Series and I think they're pretty cool.

I love the silicone holders on the sides; one for a knife or tongs and the others for spices (or, more likely, a beer!).

BYOB flip flops

I bought Phil a pair of the Reef Dram sandals from Nordstrom Rack. They have a flask in the sole and come with a key and mini funnel.

The other style, the Reef Fanning, has a bottle opener in the sole. I don't imagine either are very airport friendly but they're really cute.

Magnetic bottle opener

I saw the Clink N Drink at the Oceanside Farmer's Market. It's a bottle opener attached to a really strong magnet. The bottle caps stick right to the surface and stay there until you empty it.

Brian has a lot of different skins for the openers like surf. I think he has more skin options in person than on the site but I haven't verified.

What are you giving for Father's Day? 

(I still need an idea for my Grandfather!) 

*I wasn't asked to write about or wad compensated for this post. The affiliate links are to Amazon.